


Breathe Evenly

by yhut2013



Category: Freier Fall | Free Fall (2013)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11263014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yhut2013/pseuds/yhut2013
Summary: It's been a year since Kay left. Marc has decided to go after Kay. What other obstacles and adventures await the 2 boys?My creation of the sequel for Freier Fall as we wait impatiently for the second movie to come out in 2018. Written from Marc's POV as in the movie. Happy ending guaranteed.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
This just shows, it's impossible to plan life, nor love.  
  
Marc Borgmman was never one for taking chances. Being the only child of a traditional German family in the small town of Ludwigsburg, he has always followed the path that his parents set for him. He decided to become a police officer partly because of the well structured career it entails. Police academy, candidate, constable, master, maybe even inspector or councilor one day. After all, his father was a served the police force until the day he retired, what other choice does he have?

  
Pregnancy with Bettina, however, was not planned. Not to say it was not welcomed. Marc knew he would become a father one day, but he's not ready. Despite being 28 years old, despite being with Bettina for 5 years, Marc feels he is still not ready for the responsibility of a husband and father. That is why he still hasn't proposed to Bettina even with all the hints his parents and Bettina have been throwing at him. It's hunch Marc cannot describe himself. There is something missing, he feels he is not complete.

  
Moving himself and Bettina to be close to his parents, Frank and Claudia in preparation of the upcoming child was not Marc's favorite idea, but he felt it was the right thing to do. It would definitely make his and Bettina's lives' easier, though he felt so suffocated that he can hardly breath. No wonder he almost failed jogging at the police academy. How could you run when you couldn't even take a breath, let alone breathe evenly like Kay always told him.

  
Acquaintance with Kay Engel was definitely not according to Marc's life plans. With dirty blond hair, clear blue eyes and that cocky smile that never left his lips, he was like an angel and devil in one. He showed Marc a wild side that Marc never knew existed. Smoking pot, breaking in the pool after hours, clubbing, Ecstasy, sex in the bathroom stall, Marc never thought he would be the one doing any of those. Sex with Kay was a whole new experience all together. The sensual pleasure that Marc never felt with Bettina, or any other women for that matter. That first time in the rain, Marc felt as if 28 years worth of bottled up pressure was released at once. No wonder Kay was walking with a limp for 3 days after that.

  
The secrecy of forbidden relationship was fun and exciting. Kay's apartment and their running trail in the woods became Marc's sanctorum, an escape from the suffocating life at home. Only with Kay Marc could be careless and free, be himself without thinking about everyone's expectations. After all, Kay had no expectations for him, or did he?  
Marc knew things were getting serious when he felt a pang of jealousy as he learnt Kay was going to the gay clubs without him. You don't feel jealousy if it was just casual sex. That night Kay told Marc that he loved him, Marc knew he was in trouble. Because even though he didn't realize it then, Marc fell just as hard for Kay. He felts that his 2 incompatible worlds are colliding together, and things are getting out of control. Marc was never good at handling things under pressure, in the end, he did what he always had done, escape to his comfort zone.

  
Boy was that the wrong choice. Nothing had been right after that. His relationship with Bettina, like broken glass, cannot be rekindle not matter how hard he tried to glue the pieces back together. He thought he loved Bettina, and in a way, he did. Only after he had Kay and lost Kay did Marc learn that was not real love. It's more like a care you feel for family or good friend. Real love was the brink of ecstasy when you are together, and the heart wrenching emptiness when you are apart. The emptiness that Marc felt every single moment after Kay has left almost a year ago.

  
Is he gay? Marc didn't know how to answer when Bettina asked him. He didn't think so. Because he never felt attracted to another man other than Kay. Is he bisexual? Maybe. To Marc though, sexuality was beside the point. He loved and wanted Kay, only Kay, as a person. If Kay was a woman, Marc would have fell in love just the same. It's just Kay was a man.

  
So he loves Kay. Marc realizes that now, loud and clear. Since the day Marc broke the door and gone into Kay's empty apartment, his world had ended. He had let his life gone into free fall. After all, he fell in love before he knew what love was. When something blinds you like that, it's hard to see anything clearly. He traced the trail that he and Kay used to run, he gone to the same club he and he used to go. He had even tried Ecstasy himself and tried to pick up other guys. It was never the same. Nothing, no one could fill the void that Kay had left. When he finally grew out of his cowardice and became a man that is ready to love Kay the way he deserved, the Kay that loved him was no-where to be found.

  
Bettina, being the level-headed girl she is, has left Marc for her own benefit. She was able to make a life for herself and their son Sebastian. In a year's time, she also met a man that treats her right. Marc was sincerely happy for her, even though he missed his son miserably. His parents, Marc hadn't really talked with them for a year. He had sold his house he lived with Bettina, and moved into Kay's old studio apartment. Which, as Marc cursed, was the worst idea possible.

  
Interestingly, the 2 people that helped him to gain some normalcy in his life as Frank and Britt from the same unit. Frank is a true friend. He did not approve Marc's lifestyle or choices, but he accepted Marc for who he is. Britt showed surprising understanding for Marc's situation, as she was coming in terms with her own sexuality. Of course, what else helped was Bettina's threat to refuse letting Marc see Sebastian if he didn't get his life back on track.

  
So he did, for his son's sake, and for himself. He has been clean from drugs for 4 months, and only drink on social occasions. He still smoked like a chimney. Oh well, something cannot be helped.

  
This nice summer day when Marc and Britt are having a drink after their shifts ended. Britt suddenly asked Marc a question he didn't know how to answer.

  
"So Marc, why haven't you thought about finding Kay?"

  
Marc startled and almost choked on his beer. He stared at Britt's large eyes, "why would he want to see me?"

  
Britt shrugged her shoulders, "well, you are clearly still hang up about the guy. I don't see why you won't just take a chance and go find him. Who knows, maybe he is still hang up about you."

  
That thought made Marc's heart skip a beat. God did he wish that was true. But after what he had put Kay through, he highly doubt God would be so kind.

  
Marc shook his head," he would never forgive me. I put him through hell."

  
"Yes you did." Britt said with a bit of disgust. "But it doesn't hurt to ask. Marc, you do realize this step is completely up to you. You will never see Kay again unless you reach out to him. You made it pretty clear to him a year ago that he wasn't wanted in your life."

  
Marc put his head in his hands and nodded.

  
"Running on the same trail you guys use to meet, living in his old apartment. This is beyond pathetic." Britt shook her head. "It's not healthy. I didn't suggest this to you earlier because your life was shit. But now since you have sobered up a bit. I think you should give it a try. Come on, what's the worst that can happen? He rejects you. How can you be worse than you are now?"

  
Marc has never been the one to pursue after anything or anyone. Bettina first pursued him, so did Kay. However, now he is seriously considering Britt's suggestion. This is the only chance that he could see Kay again. Yes, Marc admits how pathetic he is becoming. There hadn't been a day that passed that he did not think about Kay.

  
\--Have you thought about just ditching it all and go somewhere far away?-

  
Marc thought about that afternoon the most. A ray of sunset shone on his face that made Kay almost golden, smiling with such affection that Marc knew was only reserved for him. It seemed such a ridiculous suggestion at the time. But now, less than 18 months after, he would do anything to go somewhere, anywhere, just to be with Kay.

  
"What about Sebastian? I will miss him." Marc is still unsure.

  
"Marc, you see your son once every other week. And you know he is in good hands. "

  
That was a lame excuse, Marc knew. Sebastian just turned a year old, he does not need Marc as much as he needs his mom. Besides, the agreement Marc had with Bettina was one afternoon every 2 weeks. He can't see his son other time even if he wanted to.

  
"How would I be able to find him?" Now comes the real question.

  
"Hahaha, " Britt laughed and reached over to swat his head, "you have finally decided to man up. Don't worry, I have a friend in the informatics bureau. I will find Kay's whereabouts in no time."

  
Marc thanked her and closed his eyes. The mere possibly of seeing Kay again made his heart race like a rabbit. Does he still wear the same cocky smile, the same swagger in his walks? Does he still jog, still club? Most of all, does Kay still think of him? Or does he have someone else.


	2. Chapter 2

It turns out finding Kay was not as easy as Britt portrayed. After 3 weeks without any update, Marc starts to curse himself and Britt for getting his hopes up. On this day after work, he decided to wait for Britt at the female locker room door.

"So has your friend at the informatics bureau give you any updates?" Marc didn't want to appear too hopeful when Britt walks through the door, freshly showered.

"Getting desperate are we?" Britt playfully pushed at Marc's shoulder, but then turned serious. "It turns out your lover is more elusive than we thought. During the past year he has transferred 3 times, from Ludwigsburg to Stuttgart to Augsburg now to Munich, which he just arrived less than 2 weeks ago. I know what unit he is at now, but cannot tell you his address. His current address on file is still one at Stuttgart, obviously out of date."

Marc is puzzled. Why on earth would Kay transfer so many times? What is he running away from? With a pang of guilt, Marc realized how little he knew of Kay's, his family, or his life.

"What does that mean?"

"What that means. Is that if you want to find your lover and talk sense into him, you will have to transfer to his unit or at least in the same building his unit is at. " Britt continued. "Of course, you can creepily wait in front of the building hoping to catch him as he is coming and leaving from work. But stalking in front of police station cannot end up well."

Marc shook his head, " you want to get me fired?"

Britt shrugged her shoulders. "The other option is to wait for the address to be updated on the record. My friend said that could take up to 6 months. By then, Kay might have moved again already. "

Marc scratched his head. No, he did not want to wait for another 6 months risking Kay running away from him again. But transferring to another unit was not what he had in plan.

"Transferring to another unit and moving to Munich though? That's a big step. What about Sebastian?" Marc was not sure.

"Marc, Munich is two and half hours from here by train, even faster driving. You  can make a trip once every 2 weeks."

What Britt said was true. Trips to Munich was definitely not taxing at all. However, for someone who resists change and adventure as much as he can, Marc was still reluctant to entertain that idea. " But transferring units cannot be that easy. " Nevertheless, the thought of never seeing Kay again is eating him slowly.

Britt winked at him, "you are in luck, mate. My friend said that particular riot control unit serves the most dangerous area of Munich. They have lost 6 people over the past 3 months due to various reasons. They are desperately in need of people. Transferring there would be a piece of cake."

Hearing about the danger of Kay's unit automatically arose the protectiveness in Marc. He became worried for Kay's safety. He knew Kay is a great police officer and will be able to look after himself. However, the need to be by Kay's side suddenly became insurmountable.  To protect Kay, or just to hold his hand and face danger together.

Transferring was just as easy as Britt predicted. All paperwork had gone through within 2 weeks. Marc even received a pay raise as enticement to seal the deal.

Marc packed all his belongings, which consisted of merely 2 suitcases and 2 boxes into is Volkswagen Golf. Before hitting the road for Munich, he stopped by to see Bettina and his son Sebastian.

Sebastian is growing fast, now able to crawl everywhere and walk a few steps. To Marc, his gabbled "Papa" is the sweetest music to his ears.

While Sebastian is pre-occupied with the toy his father just brought him, Marc glanced over at Bettina.

"Bettina, I am moving to Munich." Marc said slowly.

Bettina stared at him, seemingly surprised.

"I will still come by every 2 weeks to see Bastian as we agreed upon. " Marc continued.

"Why?" Bettina interrupted him. "Why are you moving to Munich all the sudden Marc?"

Marc avoided Bettina's stare and focused his attention back to his son. "I want a new start."

"Don't bullshit me Marc. " Bettina walked closer to him. As if a sudden realization came upon her, she started nodding her head. "You are going after him, aren't you?!"

Marc looked down to the floor and remained silent.

"Are you Marc?!" Bettina raised her voice.

Marc sighed. He knew this was going to be difficult. He couldn't ask Bettina not to be angry with his decision. " Bettina, I know you would be angry. I am sorry I couldn't give you want you deserve. I can never ask you to forgive me, but I am very thankful that you allow me to see Bastian.  I will be forever indebted to you. If you need anything in the future, just call or text. I will do my best."

"Hosenscheisser," Bettina muttered under her breathe. She stared at Marc long and hard for what seemed like hours. Marc shifted between his feet uncomfortably, debating to stay until he could say proper bye to Bettina or just kiss Sebastian and run away.

Finally, Bettina sighed. " Just as well. I am moving in with Thomas, just haven't gotten around to tell you."

This is Marc's turn to be startled. Looks like they both have news today. Marc knew Bettina had been dating Thomas for about 9 months. He had met Thomas during one of his visits to Sebastian. He seemed like a gentle man and great with Sebastian. Marc knew Bettina puts Sebastian as top priority and would not agree to move in with him if she didn't think Thomas would get along with her son. But the idea of his son living with a strange man still made him uncomfortable. Then again, he was on no grounds to dictate Bettina's life. 

Marc swallowed all his thoughts and managed to smile weakly. "Congratulations Bettina. Thomas is a great guy. I sincerely hope you will be happy."

Bettina nodded. Her eyes became reddish and watery as if she suddenly became emotional. "He is. I am very lucky to have found him. Especially after what I went through with you." She smiled too, "Marc, I guess what has passed is past. I know you have been miserable over the past year. I still cannot fully forgive you now, but I probably will with time. " She looked over and caressed Sebastian's soft chubby cheeks. "After all, you are Bastian's father and I do need you to be well. So go to Munich and do what you have to do. But his time, please don't be such a coward about it."

As if a huge rock had dropped from his shoulders, Marc nodded and grinned. Even years after, he still did not quite understand how Bettina was able to come around what he had done to her. But he was always thankful to have this woman in his life.

Marc awkwardly extended a hand to Bettina. Bettina smiled and came close. She gave him a hug and squeezed his shoulders. 

As Marc drove on the stretched highway heading toward Munich, he can't help to imagine maybe, just maybe, one day, he could bring Kay to meet Sebastian. Of course, Marc chuckled to himself, that is wishing for too much. Right now, the biggest hurdle is to convince Kay to come back to him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Breathe Evenly- Chapter 3

"Guys, today we have a new colleague joining the unit. This is officer Marc Borgmann from Ludwigsburg riot control unit. I hope you will able work well together and make him feel welcomed. Oliver, as the officer serving longest in the unit, I will have you show Marc the ropes. ..."

First day on the new job, Marc wasn't paying attention to the supervisor introducing him at all. His eyes immediately searched Kay. As soon as Marc's name was mentioned, Kay looked up and their gazes locked. Marc felt overwhelming joy as soon as he saw the pair of clear blue eyes. His heart was racing and he felt a lump in his throat making it hard to breathe. Breathe evenly pussy. Kay's voice started to echo in Marc's head.

Kay looks leaner compared to a year ago. He the same clean short blond hair and full lips which Marc wished he could taste and feel the prickly scuffle around the chin. Marc wanted to run across the room and hold the well toned muscular body hiding under the uniforms, but Kay's expression made him think it was probably not a good idea. Other than the initial startle when Marc's name was first mentioned, Kay's face is almost emotionless. Marc suddenly recall the day that Kay was introduced to his unit in Ludwigsburg more than a year ago. He wondered if his expression back then was as blank as Kay's now. How fast had the tables turned for two of them. 

"Engel." The supervisor's voice broke Marc and Kay's daze. "You worked in Ludwigsburg too. Did you guys know each other?"

Kay immediately shook his head and avoided Marc's gaze.

"Hmm, I could swore it was the same unit. Maybe during different times. " Supervisor shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I am sure you will help showing Marc around too."

The first day was also a professional development day for team building. After the activities concluded, Marc waited around the locker room hoping to catch Kay alone. But when Kay quietly changed, slammed the door shot, turned around and started walking toward the exit without so much paying a single glance in Marc's direction, Marc had no other choice but to chance him into the hallway.

"Kay," Marc called out behind him.

Kay stopped his steps but did not turn to face Marc, "what do you want, Marc. "

Marc quickened his steps and walked in front of Kay to face him, meeting him eye to eye. Kay's blue eyes was a mixture of anger, tiredness and pain, so translucent that Marc could see the reflection of himself. His lips were formed into a firm line.

"How have you been, Kay, " Marc's voice grew huskier.

Kay suddenly pushed Marc with such force that he slammed against the wall. "You know what Marc. I remember distinctly you wanted nothing to do with me a year ago. So it follows how I am doing is none of your business!" Kay said in a seemingly controlled voice, trying hard to hide the turmoil inside.

Marc stood back up slowly while grabbing his bruised left shoulder. " I know, Kay. I am sorry. It was the biggest mistake I have made in my whole life. I was a selfish, greedy coward. I wanted you and I wanted my old comfortable life. I convinced myself that I was protecting people from being hurt but in the end I hurt everyone. You most of all. My life has been hell since you left. Bettina and I split not long after that." Marc stammered. Not knowing how much time Kay would spare him, he tried to convey all his emotions as quickly as possible. He looked to Kay's eyes and almost pleaded, "I, I love you Kay."

"Stop Marc." Kay shook his head, almost in disgust. "You haven't changed. With you, it's still just 'me, me, me'. I loved you Marc. I thought what we had was something special. I guess I couldn't be more wrong. " Kay closed his eyes and sighed, lips trembling, "I took a chance and gave you my heart. You kicked it right back when you returned the keys. Now you can't just come here, say you love me and expect me to crawl back to you. "

"No, Kay." Marc grabbed Kay's arm which he shook off almost immediately. Marc sighed, "I know what I did to you was beyond horrible. I didn't expect you to be able to forgive me. I, " he took a deep breathe, "I just wanted you to know that I do love you, Kay. I am very very sorry. I asked to transfer here hoping to see and talk to you. To be closer to you. After all, other than my son whom I get to see once every other week, there is nothing keeping me at Ludwigsburg."

"That's your choice, Marc, which is also none of my business." Kay replied coldly.

Marc stared at the other man's well sculptured, handsome features that is wearing the most well constructed cold expression. As if his gut had just been hit with a baseball bat,  Marc looked defeated. "Well then, I hope we can get along enough to be on the same unit."

He sagged his shoulders, turned around and walked away, feeling all his hopes slipping away from his fingers and all his energy draining to the gutter.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Breathe Evenly--Chapter 4

Marc was jogging in the same heavily wooded trail as he had always done in the past year. With a playful swat on his head, Kay came from behind and smiled at him with that cocky smile of his. "Breathe evenly, pussy." Marc smiled back and they ran side by side.

Kay went in the front. He swung his head back and gestured Marc to catch up to him. Marc picked up his speed and tries hard to keep up with Kay, but Kay just goes faster and faster until Marc could hardly see him anymore. Suddenly it turned dark around Marc as they went deeper into the woods. Marc feels he has reached his limit of exhaustion trying to keep Kay in sight. All his efforts were futile as Kay disappeared far away into the distance. All he could hear was Kay's desperate yet distant voice, "Marc, where are you? I need you. Come help me Marc...."

"Kay!..."

Marc opened his eyes drenched in sweat. He could hardly catch his breath. He glanced over to the alarm clock which read 18:45. Almost time to get up and get ready for his shift anyway.

Marc wiped  the sweat from his forehead and closed his eyes again. The picture of the dark forest and Kay's desperate voice are still so vivid that was difficult to shake off. Marc had no idea why, but this same nightmare had been torturing him for the last 3 weeks ever since he saw Kay again on his first day at the new job.

After that emotional meeting with Kay on the first day, Marc came back to his small studio apartment and drank himself to oblivion. Okay, if Marc was being logical, he expected the meeting to go the way it did. In a way, the meeting went better than his worst fears. For one, at least they didn't cause a dramatic scene at the station for everyone to know about their affairs. Kay also did not indicate there was another man or men in his life. Thirdly, Kay did not say that he didn't want to see Marc again.

Then again of course, Marc was never really logical when it came to Kay. The icy cold stare Kay gave him with those blue eyes made him shudder. Part of him thought coming to Munich was a total waste as Kay would never be able to forgive him. But he did not want to give up so easily after making the effort to move. In a way, just being in the same city as Kay, working in the same unit, occasionally seeing him in the locker room, still made Marc surprisingly happy. Marc knew if he wanted to see Kay, he could just wait in the locker room for his shift to be over. 

Luckily, the new job has been so busy that Marc didn't have time or energy to think too much. As the newest member in the unit, Marc was almost exclusively working on night shifts. Not sure whether Kay did it on purpose, or the unit was just extremely short staffed, Marc only saw Kay 3 times during the past 3 weeks in the locker room between shift changes. Maybe he was hallucinating, but Marc did think Kay's handsome features softened each time he saw him. The time a week ago when Marc had an ugly cut on his forearm from trying to stop a pub brawl, he thought he even saw a glimpse of concern in Kay's blue eyes as he walked by. The next day, Marc saw a tube of antibiotic ointment beside his locker. He didn't care if he was imagining, he convinced himself that it was from Kay. Marc couldn't stop smiling for 3 days after that. Even though the tube is empty, he still keeps it by his pillowcase hoping that piece of plastic will transfer his feelings to its previous owner.

A brisk ringtone broke Marc out of his trance. Marc answered groggily, "hallo."

"Marc, why do you sound asleep? Still on night duty?" It was Frank.

"Hey Frank, " Marc perked up a little bit, "How are you? How's Claudia?"

"We are both the same old. Nothing has changed in the unit since you left. Listen mate, " Frank paused a bit, "we helped Bettina move today. She, she is moving in with Thomas."

Marc smiled. Frank is a good friend and wanted to make sure Marc is okay with the news. "I know, Frank. She told me before I left. Thank you for letting me know all the same."

Frank gave an obvious sigh of relief. "Thomas is really great with Bastian. He baby proofed his condo and got everything ready. The little kiddo is already enjoying his new home. You have nothing to worry about."

Frank's information does make Marc more relaxed about his son living with a stranger to him. "Thank you for all your help Frank."

"Not a problem." Frank replied, "how are you mate? How, how is him." Frank is still a little weird learning his life-long friend could be in love with a man.

"Busy mostly. This unit is very short staffed. Munich is a much bigger metropolitan area than Ludwigsburg. There are so many more stupid people causing trouble and so much more shit to do. Especially with us winning the trophy over the weekend, people have gone even crazier. When the parade happens on Friday, things are just going to go over the roof. I don't have time to think or do much else other than work. I still haven't unpacked entirely. " For someone as compulsive about neatness as Marc, that's saying a lot. " It did not go too well when I saw Kay on that first day. But that was to be expected what I had done. I think, or at least I hope," Marc sighed briefly, "that things are slowly turning around."

"That's good to hear mate." Frank chuckled, then started reluctantly on a more serious note, "Marc, I also saw your parents today. They came to help Bettina move too. They won't admit it, but I can tell they miss you a lot. Especially your mother. They are kind of hurt by you announcing that you are moving to Munich over voicemail, not even a proper phone call. "

Marc felt guilty by Frank's words. He and his parents had not been on speaking terms since he and Bettina split. His parents still could not accept their only son broke off with a perfect girl like Bettina for another man. He contemplated going to visit his parents before he left and tell them the news. But considering what he was moving to Munich for, Marc did not think the discussion will end well.

"I know." Marc did not know what else to say.

"I understand why you did that. It's just they only have one child. Maybe on one of your next visits to Bastian, drop by at their place as well. " Frank suggested.

"I will try." Marc smiled. " Listen Frank, it's great talking to you. Thank you for keeping me updated. But I have got to get ready for work."

"Okay Marc. Take care of yourself alright? Ciao."

"Ciao."

Realizing he only had 30 minutes left, Marc quickly got off bed and jumped into the shower.

Before he even had chance to change into uniforms, Marc was summoned among others to the debrief room by their supervisor Alfred. 

"As all of you know, we became the champion of the world after Mario Gotze's late goal on Sunday. " Alfred left up his hand to calm the group down after everyone rooted and clapped. "As we welcome the FIFA world cup trophy with Bayern players to Munich on Friday, we need to get ready for action. Many people may think this is once in a lifetime celebration though I hope not because I think we will win again very soon. They are expecting over 2 million people showing up on the streets of Munich for the parade. Which means 2 millions of drunk people with no inhibition and things can get out of hand very quickly. It is people's right to celebrate on occasions like this but it is our duty to keep everyone safe. We have organized patrol with all the police officer in Munich as well as many units from the neighboring towns. Our unit in particular will be covering near the Allianz Arena. Details of the plan will be send to you in an email tomorrow. Remember, no force unless absolutely necessary. Minimal amount of force necessary to defend yourself or protect others. ....."

"How's your arm." Marc was zoning out of Alfred's routine lecture about protecting themselves and helping others. A familiar voice that was barely above whisper caught his full attention. He turned to his right and saw Kay there, standing so close to him that his arm was touching Marc's. Kay was focusing to the front. Marc did not know when Kay moved to his right side, but the mere scent of Kay being so close that he missed so much actually made his jeans suddenly feel tight.

"It's much better." Marc whispered, trying hard to control his erratic breathing. "Thank you for the antibiotic cream."

Kay did reply, did not respond in anyway, did not even look at Marc once as he left quietly after the briefing was over. But guess what, Marc thought happily, he did not deny it either.

Driving the patrol car to start his shift, Marc felt burst of warmth bathing his heart just as the rays of evening sun showered on his face. Making him feel like a teenage boy falling in love all over again.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
The world cup parade made Marc to experience big city life the fullest. Living in a small town all his life, Marc didn't think he had ever seen so many people on the streets. Bayern players and the trophy had long gone. However, the fans, now all drunk showed no sign of leaving. What made it worse was a group of Stuttgart fans showed up out of nowhere. Two rival teams in such close proximity had gathered bad feelings over their long history. As the heat and adrenaline reached their max, what had been a relative peaceful parade is starting to get out of control.   
Coming to the patrol straight off the night shift, Marc hasn't had a break for over 24 hours. After the whole day of glaring June sun, Marc is starting to feel dizzy from the hunger and dehydration. The smell of sweat and beer is becoming nauseating increasing the bang Marc felt inside his head. He had never wished so much to go home to his bed. Rubbing on his left shoulder that received a blow when a drunk fan misplaced his fist, Marc ran down the street to a group of people who are starting to throw rocks and beer bottles at each other.   
"Cut it out!" He yelled locked the arms 6 foot 5 guy standing in the front. His mate from behind swayed the beer bottle toward Marc's head which Marc ducked just in time. It still landed on Marc's arm making him wince. As the attacker lift the bottle again to try for Marc's head a second time, someone grabbed his arms. Marc turned around and saw Kay's blond hair under the glaring sun. With a bruise on his forehead and swollen cheek, he still looked ever so handsome that made Marc's heart melt. Marc smiled weakly and muttered thanks.   
A gunshot seemingly very close by suddenly erupted, shattering the rowdy crowd. Marc immediately turned toward the direction of the shoot. A bald man in late 30s 50 feet down the street with a Mario Gomez Stuttgart jersey holding a pistol randomly pointing at a group of Bayern fans who are now quickly escaping. Smell of iron filled the muggy air between the shrieks within the crowd.   
Marc let go of his arrest, took out his service pistol and ran toward the shooter. As he got closer, he saw a young boy barely in teenage years laying in a pool of blood. The boy's pale innocent face reminded Marc of his own son, making him feel sick. He slow down his steps to reach for the intercom receiver to call for ambulance. There must only be a split second that he took his eyes off the close range shooter. However, when Marc looked up again, the man in Gomez Stuttgart jersey is aiming straight at him, finger pressing on the trigger.   
Marc fired without hesitation. Both bullet must have been fired at about the same. Marc thought. Maybe his was slightly later since he had to unlock the safety lock. He could only wish the man facing him was an amateur with horrible aim because there was no time to duck.   
Marc had heard that you get your life flashed in front of your eyes before you die, but in that less than a millisecond, his mind was completely blank. Before he realized, he was knocked on his left side, hitting his bruised shoulder on the pavement.   
Marc realized what had happened as he hit the ground. Someone knocked him down and shielded him from the bullet. With the special familiar scent of the man now collapsed on top of him, despite the burning sunshine, Marc shivered from his spine as he felt warm and sticky in his hands.   
"Kay!" Marc quickly got up and laid the body gently on the ground. It was Kay, with eyes half closed, normally well tanned skin starting to turn pale, from forehead to the neck, even the full lips are losing its color. Marc saw a hole on the right breast pocket of Kay's uniform jacket, which is quickly saturating with blood. By police instinct, Marc looked around to make sure the shooter has now fallen to the ground. He reached for his intercom receiver but it was nowhere to be found.   
"Scheibe!" Marc cursed. It must have smashed to the ground during all the chaos. Marc felt around Kay's belt to find his receiver. He fumbled with the receiver, never leaving his sight off Kay's pale face.   
"Need ambulance stat. 3 people shot, including Kay. Northwest entrance of Allianz Arena. Over."   
"Hold on tight. Over."   
Marc took off his jacket attempting to put pressure on Kay's wound. Kay was looking at him, dim gaze behind the drooped eye lids. A ghost smile appeared around Kay's lips.   
"Stay with me Kay. Help is on the way. You are going to be alright." Maybe it was the sudden violence that woke all the drunk fans on the streets. Or probably Marc just ignored everyone else. At that moment, he felt he and Kay were the only people in the world.   
Marc used his free hand to gentle caress Kay's swollen cheek and stubbles around the chin. In a futile attempt to speak, Kay parted his lips and blood start to seep through. He made an incomprehensible sounds like a whimper. Kay closed his eyes and tried again. This time, his voice was barely audible, "love you."   
Marc felt the tears that had been welling up in his eyes spilled over and streamed down his cheek. He dreamt of hearing those words from Kay, but not in these circumstances, never in these circumstances. "I know Kay. I love you too, so much. I am so sorry." Marc continued in a broken voice, "you are going to be fine, Kay. Don't try to speak again. Just focus on breathing. Breathe evenly and stay with me. "   
Marc noticed something moving at the corner of his eyes. He looked down and saw Kay was trying to move his left hand. Marc quickly wrapped his hand around it. He kissed Kay's knuckles before pressing Kay's hand against his chest. Marc could feel his own heart racing rapidly against their hands.   
Kay opened his mouth again as if he wanted to say something again. But he just started coughing violent, with spurts of blood coming from his mouth, causing him not able to breathe. Marc turned Kay's head to the side trying to prevent him choking on his own blood. Kay's body suddenly convulsed by the movement and even larger amount of blood spilled from his mouth. Some spattered on Marc's face but he could care less.   
"Breathe, Kay. Damn it!" Kay grew even paler and lips turned blue from the lack of oxygen. Marc wrapped his arm around Kay's shoulder to sit him up a bit see if it would help Kay breathe. Kay is desperately trying, but just end up with more aggressively coughing more blood.   
Marc grabbed the receiver from the floor and yelled, "where is the ambulance damn it?! He's not breathing!"   
"It's on the way." Woman on the other end answered promptly. "Less than 2 minutes from the arena. Over."   
Kay suddenly turned limp. His eyes closed and his head lolled to the crook of Marc's shoulder. Marc lifted Kay's face so he could look at him. He slapped Kay's face a couple of times with no response. With blood still gushing through the chest wound and Kay's lips growing bluer by the second. Marc panicked.   
"He's not breathing! Where the hell is the ambulance?!"   
Marc had never been so grateful to hear the familiar sound of siren. Two paramedic were running toward them.   
"He's not breathing!" Marc yelled at them. One man kneeled at Kay's side and the other at his head.   
"You need to move back sir." Marc was about to protest but the man interrupted him. "Give us some room to work so we can do our best."  
Marc reluctantly left go of Kay's hand and took a few steps away.   
The paramedics started resuscitation right away. They cut away Kay's uniform, put a pressure dressing on the hole in the chest and started suctioning Kay's mouth for blood.   
"Blood pressure 60/40. Heart rate 55. Oxygen 80%.... We need airway now. I am going to intubate. Can someone work on the IV....."   
Marc's whole body was shaking and his legs barely able to hold him up. He could not do anything but watch. He felt he was holding his own breathe until the paramedics were able to get a tube in Kay's mouth and his lips started to lose its blue tinge.   
As they rolled Kay's limp body to the gurney and started loading gurney to the ambulance, Marc followed robotically. The paramedic turned back and asked, "sir, I am going to have to ask what is your relationship with him."  
Marc is suddenly at lost at what to say. What is the right answer that could get him onto the ambulance? Luckily, the other paramedic answered for him, "can't you tell? He's a police officer too."   
Guess one of the best benefits of being the boys in blue is that people hardly say no to your requests. The paramedic let him onto the ambulance with no further questions.


	6. Chapter 6

Breathe Evenly- Chapter 6  
In the hospital Kay was received by a group of doctors and nurses. Marc could only make 2 words out of all the hospital language, blood and surgery. He kept following Kay's bed until one nurse stopped him from following any further.   
"I am sorry sir but you cannot go any further. They are taking him straight to the operating theater. He is in good hands. " The nurse looked at the blood on Marc's face and asked, " I think you should get checked up too sir. Are you hurt?"   
Marc shook his head. "These are all Kay's blood." He felt tears starting to threatening stream down his face again.   
The nurse is at loss of what to do but how Marc the glass door by the hallway where the waiting room is. "We will keep you updated on the progress." She gently patted his shoulder.   
Marc found a bench by the corner and sat down. He does not know what to do. He does not even know what to think. The exhaustion of working nonstop the last 24 hours is starting to catch up with him but the thought of rest never passed his mind. He looked down his hands filled with blood. Kay's blood. Marc hated that he couldn't be by Kay's side. While Kay was fighting for life, all he could do was sulking in this bench.   
Marc passed his hand through his hair and took a deep, even, steadying breathe. He gathered up all his energy to stand up and walked to the bathroom on the other side of the waiting room. As if all his emotions went overboard and started to flow out of him, he vomited on the floor. He leaned against the wall and took a shaking breathe. When Marc caught his reflection on the mirror, he almost scared himself. No wonder the nurse was looking at him weirdly. He looked like a mess. His eyes are swollen and face covered with blood.   
Marc opened the facet and tried to wash all the blood off his hands and face. He looked back into the mirror and a man that he does not recognize stared back. Eyes all red and swollen, dark circles below the eyes are extremely apparent on the pale face.   
Marc shook his head in disgust. The smell of the vomit on the floor was enough for him to run away from the bathroom back to the waiting area.   
It felt like century that Marc sat there, staring at the wall in front of him. He thought about how his life has changed since he met Kay. The first time they ran together, the first time he saw Kay in the showers, the first time Kay kissed him in the woods, the first time making love in the rain... Marc thought about how unfair this all was. He had just finally just found Kay. Over the past 3 weeks, Kay had just started to soften around him. And tonight, Marc still can't really believe what happened tonight. Kay, shielding him from the bullet. The one laying in the surgery fighting for life should have been him. Marc wished that he was the one who got shot tonight. Kay was angry. Kay was hurt. But Marc firmly believe now that he should have never doubted how much Kay loved him all this time. If Kay couldn't make it... Marc closed his eyes. He did not want to think about that situation too much because he did not know what he would do then.   
Many people came and left. Their supervisor Alfred asked him to recount the situation on tape, the guys in the same unit came by to check how Kay was doing, even news reporters came into the waiting room and asked Marc many random questions. Marc did not pay much attention to any of them. He signed where people told him to sign, stared at people talking to him without listening to a word they are saying. His new colleagues just thought this was due to the shock of it all and did not think too much. After all, everyone was tired after a long day.   
The news reporters lost their interest when Marc was clearly not in the state of answering any questions. Everyone finally all left and Marc was left alone in that quiet waiting room again. He tried to focus but his mind is just racing at about a thousand kilometers per second. He felt like he had been there forever and it's getting increasingly difficult to breathe. He looked around the waiting room to find a clock. 4 AM. So how long had Kay been in surgery? 7 hours? 8 hours? Marc vaguely remembers it still being light out before they came to the hospital, so might even be longer than that.   
The sound of door opening caught Marc's attention. A man in scrubs with a doctor badge and mask hanging around the neck walked toward him.   
"Officer Borgmman? "   
Marc immediately stood up. His feet so wobbly that he felt unsteady all the sudden.   
"Are you okay sir? Maybe you should sit down." The doctor asked in concerned voice. He caught Marc's arm preventing him from falling down. Marc quickly nodded.   
"I'm doctor Schimdt and I had been operating on Officer Engel for the past couple of hours. It went as well as it could have considering the circumstances. The bullet pierced his right lung and damaged couple of major blood vessels in his body. We patched up the vessels and fixed the lung. He is out of the operating theater being transported to the intensive care unit."   
Marc wanted to feel relieved about Kay making it out of surgery. But the serious tone in doctor's voice made him extremely uneasy.   
"Is he, is he going to be okay?" Marc asked carefully.   
"He is fairly stable right now. But I cannot say that he is completely out of the woods yet." The doctor sighed. "The damaged lung is not working very well now and he had lost a lot of blood. That is why he is on life support now. The bleeding seemed to have stopped inside the theater, but we put in a couple of tubes draining from his chest to makes sure he doesn't bleed later. There is always the chance of infection or the damaged lung does not heal the way we hope. Also, I have to let you know." The doctor pauses assessing whether Marc is in a well enough state for the next information. "He had been without oxygen for a while before the paramedics found him, and his heart did stop beating a couple of times while on the operating table. I cannot tell you how much damage those had done to his brain. We will just need to wait until he wakes up."   
Doctor's harsh words of lung, blood, and brain damage were still ringing in Marc's head as he followed him toward the empty corridors leading to the ICU, where Kay is now. He looked through the window and swallowed nervously when he saw Kay laying in one of those large beds.   
A nurse introduced herself as Monica showed him inside, "you can stay as long as you want through the day until visiting hours are over at 8pm. If you need anything, just ask me."  
Marc thanked and went closer to the bed Kay laid under layers of blankets and drapes. He was barely recognizable with so many lines, drains and tubes coming out of his body. His face was still pale but looked better than previous night laying on the pavement.   
Marc always hated hospitals. He hated the smell of disinfectant and blood. He hated the constant beeping of the machines. He hated the idea of being vulnerable or see anyone else in that state. He hated how he couldn't control what happens inside these walls. He felt extremely nauseous and barely able to stand but he was desperate to be by Kay's side.   
Marc found a small plastic chair by the corner of the room. He dragged it to Kay's bedside and sat on it. The chair was extremely uncomfortable. He carefully took Kay's free left hand and held it to his lips.   
"Kay, thank you for saving my life. I love you." Marc whispered. He was starting to tear up again. "I am sorry it took so long for me to realize that. I will never leave your side again." He reached to brush Kay's forehead and blond hair. "You can get through this, Kay. We can get through this. " He kissed Kay's knuckles and continued. "We have a whole life in front of us, together. Just come back to me Kay."   
The respirator machine continued to make that wheezing sound with every breathe it delivered to Kay through the large tube coming from Kay's mouth, syncing with the rise and fall of Kay's chest. The constant beeping sound from the bedside monitor indicates Kay's heart beat. Normally that would have annoyed Marc to no end, but at this moment, he found it surprisingly soothing.   
The exhaustion of the extremely long 36 hours is finally catching up to Marc. He laid his head on Kay's bed and fell into restless sleep, breathing evenly with the rhythmic rise and fall of Kay's chest, never letting go of Kay's hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Breathe Evenly-Chapter 7

Everyone got 2 days off after the parade. Marc spent all waking hours by Kay's bedside. He even called Bettina letting her know that he wouldn't be able to go to see Sebastian this weekend.

Marc sat in that uncomfortable chair, holding Kay's hand. Sometimes he would talk to Kay, telling him about his son, his childhood, their days in police academy. But most of the time, he just stared. His mind seem to be racing very fast but he could not focus on anything at all. During the day, multiple groups of doctors and nurses came by Kay's bedside doing various jobs. They all say Kay's numbers look better but to Marc, he looks the same.

On Sunday, Marc went to hospital a little bit late because there were some paperwork to do at the station. When he went to the ICU room, he say a woman in her early 30s with shoulder length blond hair was sitting by Kay's bedside.  She turned around as she heard Marc opening the door.

Marc immediately realized her resemblance with Kay. She had the same dirty blond hair and clear blue eyes. She wasn't strikingly beautiful, but definitely very attractive. Her eyes are swollen and tear stains are apparent on her face.

She smiled weakly at Marc and introduced herself, "hi, I am Lisa. Kay's older sister. I came when I got a call from his supervisor that he was shot and now in critical condition. You must be his colleague."

Marc awkwardly shook her hand, thankful that he didn't have to think about how he was going to introduce himself.

"I'm Marc. I'm on the same unit as Kay."

Lisa looked taken back a little. "So you are Marc, from Ludwigsburg?"

Marc nodded, a little embarrassed from Lisa's examining look.

Lisa broadened her smile a little bit, "well, you are definitely as good-looking as I imagined."

Marc blushed and cleared his throat. He immediately started to like Kay's sister.

"Kay... He had talked about me?"

Lisa nodded, "when he worked at Stuttgart last year, he stayed with me a for a week until he found his own place. He looked a little depressed. He tried to hide it but I could tell. I asked him whether it's because of another man. He didn't deny it. One day when he was a little drunk, he told me about you. How you guys met in the academy. How he asked for transfer to Ludwigsburg because of you. But you had a long term girlfriend and a child on the way. In the end, you two broke up because you couldn't leave your girlfriend and the newborn child."

Marc lowered his head to look at the floor. "I'm sorry. " He murmured.

"Oh no I understand." Lisa replied. "I have two children of my own and I can imagine how sticky the situation must be for you. That's what I told Kay too, that it's better for him to forget about you and move on. But I know my baby brother." She turned to reach out and brushed Kay's blond hair with her delicate fingers. " He is always so independent, so cool, so carefree. If he was that hurt from the break up, he must have loved the guy very very much."

Marc beginning to feel his eyes getting watery again. "I love him too. " He stammered.

Lisa looked at him, a little anger suddenly sparked in her blue eyes. "I hope you mean what you said. I am not angry with you for wanting to stay with your wife and child, but if you are going to keep playing with Kay's feelings, I can't have that. Because if you say those words when he wakes up, he will believe you and never be able to move on. "

Marc shook his head, "I won't have it any other way. No I am completely serious. Bettina and I split. I see my son Sebastian once every 2 weeks. I transferred and moved here for Kay."

"Oh so are you guys back together?" Lisa asked.

Marc sighed, "not really. I just moved here 3 weeks ago. Kay...He is still mad at me for giving up on us. I.." Marc was debating to tell Lisa how Kay got shot, but the guilt is becoming overwhelming. "Kay saved my life. " He breathed deeply, "that bullet was aimed at me and Kay took it for me. I am sorry. It's completely my fault that he is laying here. I am sorry." Marc choked on his voice. Tears spilled over his eyes and he wiped them with his sleeve.

To Marc's surprise, Lisa came over and give him a gentle hug. "Shish. It's okay." She told him in a soothing voice. "I am not angry at you, Marc. Kay is an adult. Whatever happened, it's his choice. He will be happy he did this for you. Since he became a police officer, I thought this critical condition might happen one day. I know if you really love him like you say, it pains you more to stand here looking at him like this. "

"I don't know what I would do without him." Marc sobbed.

Feeling like the pent emotion that Marc felt since Kay got shot has finally found an outlet. Someone who loved Kay just as much. Someone who understood what he went through. Marc balled on Lisa's shoulder almost like a baby.

After Marc's calmed down from the emotional burst, Lisa passed him tissues from her purse. With eyes swollen and red like 2 peaches, Marc suddenly became very embarrassed that he lost his composure in front of a woman that he just met today.

"Lisa." Marc cleared his throat and tried to change the subject a little bit, "is Kay's and your parents going to come visit? Do you have other siblings?"

Lisa sadly shook her head. "No, it's just me and Kay. Our parents were not very understanding when Kay came out to them during his time at university. They threatened not to continue paying for his tuition if he didn't change his lifestyle choice. As if it was a choice." Lisa sighed. "That is why Kay dropped out and decided to become a police officer, the tuition is paid for by the government. That was almost 10 years ago and Kay hadn't really spoken to them since then. I know he cares about them and they care about Kay too. I keep updating them about Kay's current life and tell Kay about what our parents are up to as well. They are all very interested. But they are all just too stubborn to apologize to each other. Especially Kay and Dad. I thought about telling them that Kay was shot and now at hospital. But they just left yesterday for Canada to our uncle who just had a stroke. I didn't want to drag them all the way back or getting them worried while on the other side of the world. Kay will pull through. I know he will. "

Lisa turned and looked at Marc again. " I think that's why I think Kay became so independent and learnt to take care of himself. He liked to talking about nothing and everything but never talked about his feelings very much. Before he met you, I don't think he had been very serious with anyone. He probably thought no one in the world cared about him other than me. He loved adventures, a little too much for my liking. I always told him I would grow old fast worrying about him. But I think that's his charm, always carefree, no strings attached. Until he met you of course. " Lisa smiled as she talked more about her beloved brother. "When he first left Ludwigsburg, he was a different man. He was very quiet and sulked a lot. He wasn't interested in doing anything. He always loved to play with my sons but those days he stayed with us, he couldn't be bothered. That is how I knew my brother had fell hard for you."

"I fell hard for him too. I just didn't realize at that time." Marc smiled and took Kay's hand. Listening to Lisa talking about Kay made him very happy. He felt that he knew Kay so much better now and made him love Kay even more. He learnt how difficult it must have been for Kay coming out to his parents as Marc thought about how he hasn't talked to his parents for a year. He thought about how lonely Kay must have been all those years. Marc kissed Kay's hand without realizing that Lisa was still looking at him. "I would never leave you." He whispered.

"I'm glad Kay had found you." Lisa was smiling while wiping her eyes with tissue. "Marc." She turned serious a bit, "please don't hurt my brother again. He isn't as strong as he looks. I always wished there would be someone to take care of him."

"I will. I promise. " Marc took Kay's hand and placed it against his chest. He looked at Lisa with a serious expression. "I can't promise I would never hurt him again. But if it happens, it would not be on purpose."

Lisa nodded. "I believe you, Marc." She looked at her watch and stood up. "I have to drive back to Stuttgart now. My husband Wes and my sons will be back home soon. " She took a piece of paper from her purse, scribbled on it, and handed to Marc. "This is my cell. Please call me if there is any update with Kay. "

"Of course." Marc took the paper and put in his pocket. "Drive safe."

Lisa leaned down and kissed Kay's forehead. She waved bye at Marc and left the room, leaving Marc alone with Kay again.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

For the next few days, Marc's life revolved around 3 stops, work during night, sleep a couple of hours at home in the morning, and hospital to see Kay. He had been in Kay's room so much that the nurses in the ICU began to fawn over his good looks, only to have their hopes crushed when they see how loving his gesture toward Kay was.

Kay did start to look better everyday which lifted Marc's spirit up to no end. Lines and drains start to come out, or at least got smaller in size. According to the doctors, his lungs are healing very well and he will be able to come off the ventilator very soon. The only concern they had was how well Kay's brain will recover from the lack of oxygen. For some reason, meeting Lisa had infused a lot of hope in Marc. Now all Marc can think about is Kay's confident nature and strong personality. He firmly believe that Kay will be fine in the end.

On Thursday early afternoon, as Marc makes his way to Kay's room a pleasant surprise was waiting for him. The tube from Kay's mouth was gone and replaced with thin tubing delivering oxygen to his nose. Monica, the same nurse the night Kay came in was on again and greeted Marc,

"Good news. We were able to remove the tube this morning and he is doing fabulous. I was planning to call you but has just gotten so busy and hasn't had a chance yet. "

Marc thanked her. He was suddenly nervous as he walked into Kay's room. Did Kay want to see him? What was he going to say to Kay?

Kay looked so peaceful reclining in bed, eyes closed, with oxygen to his nose. Kay opened his eyes when he heard someone came in through the door. As their gazes met, Kay's clear blue eyes made Marc's heart melt. He felt like it's been a century since he saw them. He was so happy that he could cry again. He inched to Kay's bedside and sat by him, carefully reading what expression those blue eyes are trying to convey.

"Kay..." Instinctively Marc held Kay's left hand. Not knowing how Kay would react, he started withdrawing as soon as he touched Kay's hand. However, Kay grabbed onto it. Kay is very weak right now, but Marc could tell Kay is holding onto his hand with all the strength. 

Marc smiled thankfully, "how are you feeling, Kay?"

"Tired, sleepy." Kay said in a groggy voice. "How many days have I been out."

"The parade was Saturday. We came to hospital Saturday evening. This is Thursday afternoon now." Marc answered.

"The parade." Kay's blue eyes opened wider, as if suddenly remembered something. "The parade. That bunch of assholes have to get that drunk, going at each other like retards. Are you okay, Marc? Were you hurt?"

Marc felt eyes watering again. He had to be gay. Marc thought, or why would he get emotional like this all the time, whenever Kay is involved.

Marc reached up with his other hand to caress Kay's face. The swelling had gone down considerably over the last few days, but Marc was still very careful and gentle with his touch. "No silly. You were the one badly hurt. You are the one laying on the hospital bed. Kay, that night on the pavement, I thought I lost you forever. "Marc felt he was losing his voice.

Kay managed his characteristic cocky smile. With back and blue around the eyes and facial hair badly in need of a shave, Marc thought he had never seen Kay more beautiful.

"Come one, pussy. It takes more than that to kill me." Kay joked.

Tears now starting to trickle down his face, Marc said in a broken voice, "Kay..You took the bullet for me. You saved my life. Just a measly thank you and I love you seem like a spit in the wind. But that's all I can offer right now. I wanted to protect you. But it seems like I had done nothing but hurt you, physically and emotionally. I am so sorry. I.."

Kay used his hand, still tangled with IV line, to cover Marc's mouth and stop him from talking.

"Hey Marc, it's my choice." Kay said in a hoarse voice, throat still dry from the breathing tube. "I am the one who ruined your life. You had a girlfriend who loved you, supportive parents, a child on the way. I had to drag you down with me. Bettina had everything to offer, a perfect family, home, and life. What do I have to offer? A quick fuck in the rain? Drugs and clubs? Sex in the dirty bathroom stalls? No wonder you decided to give up. "

Marc leaned forward and almost crushed Kay to his own body which must have irritated Kay's wound making him wince in pain. Marc immediate loosened his grip and murmured "I'm sorry" to Kay's ear. He brushed through Kay's blond spikes with his fingers and his tears streamed down into crook of Kay's neck. Marc felt Kay burying his face in his neck as well and Kay tightly squeezing his shoulder blades.

After Marc's sobs have quieted, he brought Kay's forehead to his for a moment. Left hand still caressing Kay's right cheek, Marc looked straight into those clear blue eyes covered by a layer of mist and said, "Kay, besides my son Bastian, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You showed me who I really am. When I met you, it was a whole new beginning, as if the years before were part of some past life. I had missed you so much after you left. I thought about you every single day. You know how pathetic I had become?" Marc chuckled embarrassedly. "I ran almost every day on our old trail in the woods. After I split with Bettina, I actually moved to your old apartment because there were too many of our happy memories there."

Kay raised his eye brows, gently tapped Marc's head and snickered, "that is pathetic, pussy."

"See, that's how I am without you. Kay, I love you." Marc suddenly became nervous and bit his lower lip, "I want to be with you. That's what I came to Munich for. Are you willing to Kay? " Marc asked in an unsure tone, "Are you willing to try? Be with me?"

" I don't know, Marc. " Kay sighed.

Marc's dropped his hand, he could feel his shoulders slumping. "Is, is there someone else?" He averted his eyes from Kay's gaze.

Kay shook his head, "I told you before, Marc. There is no one else. I just. It's just too complicated with you. I thought everything was simple before. We were just having a great time. I knew about your girlfriend, but I didn't know you were expecting a child. Even so, I let myself fall for you just the same. I still thought it would be simple. If we loved each other, nothing else mattered. After Bettina invited me to that BBQ, I saw you with your son, how great you are with him. How your parents told me to get out of your life and how you told me to leave too. I saw how complicated it was going to be. I was still willing to try, but you weren't. I have to say Marc, that hurt, a lot. Much more than this bullet, if you can believe me."

Marc brought Kay's hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly. "I know Kay. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I was a selfish coward. But Kay, I promise, I realized what a huge mistake I had made."

"But nothing has changed, Marc. There is still your parents, your son. How is he by the way?"

"Bastian is great. " Marc's spirit lifted as he talked about his son. "He's growing up so fast. I hope he will grow to become a better man than his father. Kay, I would love for you to meet him some day. I think you two will get along great. "

Kay laid back on the bed and snickered sarcastically, " I bet Bettina and your parents will love that idea."

"I haven't talked to my parents for a year. " Marc sighed, "I think Bettina will be okay with it, eventually. She has been very reasonable with me and plus she has found her own life. She's not mad at you, only at me."

Kay squeezed Marc's hands, "I'm sorry I caused the trouble for you and your parents."

"Don't be silly. "Marc changed to a more serious tone, "let me ask you Kay. Do you still love me?"

Kay nodded without hesitation.

Marc smiled broadly, "then let's give it a shot. Don't worry about any of it right now. We will work it out eventually. I know we will."

Kay took a deep, steadying breathe as if gathering all his courage and determination. He gave Marc the response that made Marc's heart flip. He nodded.

Marc felt the only time that had been comparable in happiness that he is feeling now was the birth of his son. He leaned down and kissed Kay passionately, tasting the lips that he had missed all year, exploring all the corners and nooks of Kay's mouth. Kay responded with equally feverish movements. They seemed to forget that this was an ICU room with glass walls and 10 different patients as well as many doctors and nurses in the same unit.

They had to let go of each other when the alarm on the monitor became too loud and nurses rushed in saying Kay was not getting enough oxygen. Kay turned pale a bit and looked like he was having a difficult time breathing that even made Marc slightly worried.

After catching his breath, Kay showed a satisfied smile on his face. Marc returned the smile and gently wiped Kay's now swollen lips.

"Got to do better than that next time, pussy."

Kay reached up to caress Marc's cheek and brow, "you really look like you haven't slept in days. Do you want to catch a nap here before you go to work?" Kay started to shift to the side of bed slowly to make room for Marc, frowning slightly due to pain.

Marc did feel tired. He hardly slept more than 3 hours each day since Kay had been in the hospital. With the lines, cords, and the saggy mattress, the hospital bed was not at all comfortable. But holding on to Kay, smelling his scent, there was no-where else that Marc would rather be.

Marc thought of a lot of things he still wanted to talk about with Kay, like Kay's sister Lisa's family, how Kay hasn't spoken to his parents for 10 years, why did Kay move 3 times within the past year. But for now, just knowing Kay still loved him and being by his side is enough. Marc breathed evenly and drifted into deep sleep, dreaming of a future together with the man he loved.


	9. Chapter 9

Breathe Evenly-Chapter 9

Marc could not stop smiling. They were driving back from Ludwigsburg on this Sunday afternoon. They went back to see Marc's son Sebastian and Marc's parents. Kay met Sebastian for the first time and also met with Marc's parents again. To Marc's relief, things couldn't have gone better.

It's been 6 months since the day in that hospital unit that they decided to give it a shot. Lisa came down from Stuttgart to see Kay the weekend after he woke up, bringing her whole family. Lisa's husband Philip is a handsome, quiet and patient man who seems to be a loving husband and father. Their twin boys were almost replicate of Kay. Looking at the poster family, Marc could imagine that's probably what his parents hoped for him, what he might had with Bettina. Then again, even the most expensive and well tailored Armani suit, if it doesn't fit, it's not for you. Looking at Kay's clear blue eyes, it did take a while, but Marc understood that now.

Kay recovered with amazing speed. He left the hospital after a week and returned to work in 3 weeks. The first time they made love after being apartment for a year was the night when Kay returned home from hospital, against doctor's advice. To Marc, that night was the most beautiful. At first, he did not think it was a good idea because Kay had bruises everywhere and the stitches still looked raw and painful. But Kay always had a way of convincing him. Marc was so gentle, careful not to hurt his lover. He kissed every bruise and stitch on Kay's body that made Kay whimper. When he entered Kay, he immediately felt the tightness. Kay was much tighter than he remembered. They both did not last very long. Afterwards, Marc got a wet towel and gently cleaned both of them up. He saw tears in Kay's blue eyes. Marc quickly took Kay in his arms and asked what's wrong. Was he hurt. Kay shook his head and murmured into Marc's chest that he had not let anyone else fuck him since Marc. Marc felt ecstatic when he heard but also a pang of pain as if someone squeezed his heart. He understood how much loneliness and pain Kay must have suffered, thinking the one man he ever loved had abandoned him. Marc vowed to himself that he would make it up to Kay. He hold Kay tighter and felt Kay's steady breathe on his chest.

As new officers were recruited to the unit, Marc didn't have to do only night shifts anymore and their working schedule finally synced a bit. The nature of their relationship was no secret from many of the guys in the same unit since when they all went out for drinks, Marc and Kay couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other. Marc realizes that Munich is a much bigger city and the fact is, not one seems to care.

They almost spent all none working hours together. For Marc, the best thing is waking up in each other's arms in the morning. Before, Marc was never able to stay the night even though he desperately wanted to. He was always worried this time Bettina would find something suspicious and begin to question him.

Now, no more hiding, he could stay as long as he wanted. On the days they both didn't need to work, which weren't that many, they could stay in bed almost all day. Making love because they just could not get enough of each other's bodies. But a lot of times, just holding onto each other, watch movies, watch football matches, or just talking, about everything and nothing.

Taking Kay to meet Sebastian and fixing the relationship with his parents were what Marc had been working on for 3 months. As Marc expected, Bettina was not too happy when he first mentioned it, but she came around eventually. As she had been in a extremely happy mood since she and Thomas had got engaged, it wasn't that hard to convince her. His parents required a lot more work. When he told them he was with Kay now and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, his father kicked him out as his mother was sobbing. Marc waited 2 months until he went to visit his parents again, with Frank's help. He told them that he and Kay loved each other and they can accept it or leave it. He also told them about how Kay saved his life by shielding him from the bullet. If it weren't for Kay, they would have no son.

They came around too, finally. Maybe they were moved by what extent Kay would do to protect their son. Marc's father personally called and invited them for lunch at home on the coming Sunday, when they knew Marc was coming to visit Sebastian.

So everything did fall to places in the end. To be honest, Marc couldn't remember if he had ever been this happy. Maybe the first couple of days after Sebastian was born, but that for sure did not last very long. They had only been together for 6 months, but Marc definitely felt like it was much longer than that.  

As Marc is daydreaming into blissful happiness, he suddenly felt a swirl in the car. Their Volkswagen Golf almost hit a silver Mercedes when trying to merge into the lane. Kay immediately swayed to the other side. Thankfully, the other lane was empty.

"Kay! What's wrong? Are you tired, babe?" Marc asked.

Kay shook his head. He was breathing erratically and his knuckles on the steering wheel turned white. He was clearly shaken by the incident.

Marc laid a hand on Kay's shoulder, "stop by the side of the highway, we change spots. Come on. Let me drive for a bit."

"No, you worked late last night Marc. I'm fine. We are almost there."

"I slept on our way there, and I napped a bit just now. I want to drive. Come on, Babe, let's be safe." Marc was persistent. Spending the afternoon with Sebastian and Marc's parents must had been emotionally draining for Kay.

Kay sighed and nodded.

 Sitting in the driver seat, Marc glanced at Kay. He was deep in thought. Kay had been like that a lot recently, especially over the past week.

"Penny for your thought?"

Kay rubbed his eyes and smiled at Marc, "nothing Babe, I'm just zoning out."

"What do you want for dinner then?"

"Whatever you pick is fine with me." Kay answered nonchalantly.

Marc frowned. Something is definitely on Kay's mind. Kay usually is extremely picky about food. Marc made a note to himself that he needs to dig further into that later.

"Okay, I will pick up some Chinese on the way then. My place?"

"Sure, just drop me by apartment first. I need to get a few things. I will meet you at your place."

Both having equally small places, so they spent about equal amount of time in each other's studio apartments. Couple of months ago, Marc thought wouldn't it be nice for them to move in together. They would need to find a bigger apartment of course. There would be no need to travel back and forth for change of cloth or other personal items. They can spend more time with each other. Marc hinted it to Kay back then, but Kay wasn't thrilled with the idea. Thinking maybe they weren't ready for that yet.

Marc understood. Maybe it was too soon. He didn't want to rush Kay. But today, after bringing Kay to meet Sebastian and seeing his parents, Marc felt they had achieved something huge. They had overcame all the obstacles to be together. They had to be ready for the next step now.

Marc looked at Kay's direction again, who was staring at the road ahead.

"Kay, what do you think about finding a bigger place for us, together? " Marc asked carefully.

Kay was definitely startled by the suggestion. He looked over at Marc with questioning eyes, "why are you suddenly thinking of that, Marc?"

Marc shrugged his shoulders. "I thought it might be easier for us, being so busy with work and all. Less time to go back and forth between the 2 places. And both apartments are too small for 2 people."

Kay put his head in his hands and sighed, "I don't know Marc."

"You think we are still not ready?" Marc was surprised by Kay's reply.

"I'm not sure." Kay said sullenly.

Honestly, Marc was a little angry and hurt by Kay's reply. For the last 6 months, Marc had worked hard for their relationship. He knew the relationship could not last if he couldn't have Kay and Sebastian get along. Marc knew they could not be truly happy if Kay kept on thinking that he caused a rift between Marc and his parents. So he worked hard, convincing Bettina to let Kay meet Sebastian, convincing his parents to accept him and Kay.

Now everything had turned out great. Marc could not have asked for a better outcome. He felt there was no obstacle between them now. Clearly, Kay did not feel the same way.

"Kay. We are practically living together now. Think about it, don't we spend almost every minute non-working minute together? When was the last time we slept separately unless it's due to work and shift reasons? Your shit is filling my apartment and mine is filling yours. "Marc almost yelled, "Kay, am I doing something wrong? Did you not want to meet my son or my parents? Or you just do not trust me?"

Kay put his hand on top of Marc's on the gear switch, "No babe, you'd been perfect. I know you worked hard for us. It's just..." Kay sighed again, "let me think about it. Okay?"

They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they stopped in front of Kay's building, Kay wanted to kiss Marc on the lips. As Marc turned his face away, Kay sighed and pecked him on the cheek.

"Babe, I will see you later, okay?" Kay said as he was leaving the car.

"Whatever." Marc replied coldly. He watched Kay going into the building. Shivering a bit in the December wind, his head hang low and shoulders sagged. Marc felt his heart soften a bit. Maybe he had been too harsh. There is definitely something bothering Kay and Marc is determined to find out what it is. He had suffered enough with secrets and lies in a relationship and he was not going to let that happen with Kay.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. More to come later.

Chapter 10

They ate dinner pretty much in silence. Neither of them had much appetite. After they cleaned up, Marc sat on the couch watching the replay of Bayern's morning game.

"Marc, can we talk for a bit?" Kay took a deep breath and sat down beside Marc.

Marc looked at him and nodded. Kay's serious tone made him turn off the TV.

Kay pressed Marc's left hand between his two palms. "Marc, you are the single best thing that has ever happened to me. Before meeting you, I was so lonely. Thank you for working so hard for us over the last 6 months. I know it wasn't easy. I feel I'm more in love with you every single day. And I trust you completely."

Kay's sincere tone completely dissipated whatever little anger Marc had left. He put his right hand to Kay's cheek. "I'm sorry I questioned you that this afternoon. But Kay, what is bothering you? Why don't you want us to move together. Come on, babe, we have been through so much. We can figure it out together."

Kay looked at Marc and asked, "You remember asking me before why I moved 3 times in one year?"

"You said you were running away from me which I didn't buy for even a second. If you really wanted to get away from me, I would not have been able to find you. You would have gone to other side of continent or other side of world even. I think you didn't want to get too far from me." Marc smirked.

"You are so full of yourself." Kay had the cocky smile on his face for a little bit and pinched back of Marc's hand, "but it's true though. " Kay continued, "I guess I always hoped I would see you again one day."

"So why didn't you stay in Stuttgart? It's close to Ludwigsburg. Your sister Lisa and her family are there so you will have some company. I probably didn't even need to make the transfer to be with you."

Kay averted Marc's eyes and looked down on the couch. He continued with an uneasiness in his voice, " when I transferred to Stuttgart, there was a guy on the same unit. His name was Bauer, Matthieu Bauer. He looked at me weirdly, even on the first day. Initially I just thought he was a homophobic like Limpinski and just tried to avoid him. Though I did not know how he could have tell. It's not as if I have it GAY written on my forehead. "

"After a few weeks, it became clear that he was hitting on me, wanted me to sleep with him. If it had been my old self, I would have said yes. He was not at all bad looking, and probably a good fuck. But, " Kay chuckled, " you completely ruined it for me. I was so hang up about you that I didn't want to sleep with anyone. I told him that. Thanks for the offer, but I'm not in the mood."

"What happened then?" Marc asked, not sure why, but getting a little nervous. He immediately did not like that Bauer guy.

" He certainly did not take it well. He started acting very creepily, like stalking me and following me home. He was saying very nasty things like who do I think I am, playing hard to get. All faggots are sluts just fuck whatever chance with whoever they get. I threatened him that if he ever follows me again, I would obtain a court order. "

"Then one night, as I was walking home from a club. He and a gang of guys jumped on me, hitting and kicking, basically beating the daylight out of me..."

"Kay!" Marc's hand went over Kay's shoulders, arms, then torso, as if to check his lover was really okay.

Kay licked his dry lips and continued in a shaking voice, "afterwards, they were holding me down. He...He tried to force himself on me..."

Marc pulled Kay to his body, holding to him tight and murmuring ' I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry.' Kay was shaking, clearly still traumatized from the event. Marc carded through Kay's blond spikes and soothed his back. Marc kicked himself. Even though it was more than a year ago, the image of Kay being beaten down was so clear in his head sending shivers down his spine. He couldn't believe Kay went through all that by himself. And where was he? Being a pathetic coward sulking at home.

After both of them had calmed a bit, Marc released Kay to face him and caressed his cheek. "Kay, did he, were you...?"

Kay shook his head, "thankfully, our sergeant was just passing by in his patrol car and stopped them. I ended up with a broken wrist, dislocated shoulder and couple of bruised ribs. Our sergeant took me to the hospital and encouraged me to report this to the supervisor. He said he would back me up. I normally hate causing trouble. But just leaving you, what happened with Limpinski, and now Bauer in a short couple of months, I was fed up. I took sergeant's advice and reported him."

Marc nodded, "that's right. He deserves it. What happened then."

"He got fired of course. But it didn't end there." Kay sighed, "a couple of months later, I saw Bauer again in front of my apartment building. I was always carrying my service revolver with me after that night so he wasn't attempting anything. He said he would get back to me no matter what for ruining his life. He would follow me wherever I go. He would hurt my loved ones and then kill me. By then I was truly scared. That guys is clearly mentally unstable. He could do anything. Lisa and Philip lived right in town with 2 small boys. I can't risk anything happening to them."

"So you left?"

Kay nodded, "I left immediately after that. I actually moved to Augsburg even before all the paperwork was finalized. It was good initially. Augsburg was small, quiet town. I think even similar size to Ludwigsburg. But I don't know how, he was able to track me down in a couple of months again. I started feeling someone was following me. Then after a couple of days I received a threatening note. It was not signed but clearly from him. I thought, screw it. What's the worst he could do? Kill me? Then let him, who knows which one of us will be killed in the end. But..."

Kay turned his head and kissed Marc's hand that was pressing on his face. He smiled, "I guess subconsciously, I hoped I could see you again. I also didn't want to sink to his level. I'm a police officer for godsakes, not some homicidal maniac."

"So you moved again." Marc asked.

"Yeah. I thought, Munich being a huge city and all, it must be harder to track me down. Maybe this time, he would give up. I guess I could have gone further. But you know, I didn't want to be too far from you. So I transferred here."

Marc leaned forward and kissed gentle on Kay's lips and pressed his forehead against Kay's. "Why didn't you tell me all this earlier Kay? I wish I had known what you went through over that year."

"You were here and you wanted to be with me. It was everything I dreamed of. Everything was going so well and we were so happy. Why mention something depressing. Besides, it's been more than 7 months. I thought he gave up and almost forgot about it until..."

"You saw him, Kay?" Marc interrupted, feeling his anger start to build up. If he saw that bastard, he could wring his neck with his bare hands.

Kay shook his head. "I haven't seen him. But for the past week and half, I just feel jumpy. I don't know if I am being paranoid or going crazy. I felt that someone was following me when I was walking on the street. I can't explain it. It was exactly the same feeling as in Augsburg before I left. Luckily, I haven't received any threatening note yet."

"So that is what's bothering you for the past week." Marc then frowned, "is that why you don't want us to move in together, Kay?"

Kay turned away, curled up and buried his head between his knees. "You don't understand, Marc. If it's not just me being paranoid and he's actually found me. You have no idea what danger I put you in just by being with you, let alone us living together. Bauer is like a caged animal. He is crazy. There is no rhyme or reason with him. He could do anything. I, I can't stand it if something happened to you because of that bastard. "

Marc moved close, pressed a kiss on Kay's temple and put his arms around Kay. "You really do think I'm a pussy, don't you. " Marc chuckled. "Babe, it's okay. Don't feel like you always need to protect me. You had done enough, saving my life and all. I'm a police officer too. Besides, maybe it is just you being paranoid. Even if he is actually here, don't be scared. We will just face whatever comes, together. We have been through enough and we can get through this too. "

Kay wrapped his arms around Marc's waist and buried his face into Marc's neck. "If it was just me, I wouldn't be scared at all. But if you got hurt, I..."

"Ssshhh" Marc rocked Kay gently trying to calm his nerves. "We will be fine as long as we are together."

They sat there, arms wrapped around each other, until Marc felt Kay was starting to doze off.

"Kay, "

"Hmm?" Kay opened his blue eyes groggily and looked up at Marc. He looked so adorable, Marc thought.

"No more secrets, okay?"

Kay smiled sleepily and sealed the promise with a kiss.

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Kudos and Comments. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 11

 Marc was driving back from Ludwigsburg mid-afternoon Sunday on the road that he had gotten very familiar with over the last 7 months. He wished he brought Kay with him because Sebastian even asked him where his friend was. But since Kay had to work the morning shift, he didn't want Marc to wait and risk getting there too late. Just as well, Bettina texted him this morning that she had evening plans and if he could come earlier to see his son. Before leaving Ludwigsburg, he sent Kay a text saying he is on his way back now and will be there for dinner.

 He saw alert on the dashboard on a text from Kay.

-Great. I will pick up some stuff to cook. See you later babe. LUV U-

Marc smiled and suddenly felt hungry. Kay is a great cook, such a striking contrast to him who can hardly boil water without burning himself.

It's been 2 weeks since Kay told him about what happened with Bauer over the past year and why he relocated 3 times. Kay was still tense and jumpy. But after 2 weeks of nothing, no threatening notes, phone call, or text.  He started to loosen up a bit. Marc didn't feel anyone was following them, but he did feel nervous about Kay going anywhere alone as the image of Kay being beaten was still vivid in his mind. He tried to accompany Kay everywhere whenever possible. He could tell Kay was getting a little annoyed but understood, even thought it was romantic for Marc to be so concerned.

Like today, he knew he was going to Ludwigsburg. Even though it was only going to be a couple of hours and Kay had to go to work anyway, Marc still felt uneasy. This morning, Kay came by to kiss Marc gently on the forehead before he left for work as he thought Marc was still sleeping. Marc pulled Kay to himself and held on for a while, breathing deeply the scent of the man he loved. Kay was a little surprised by Marc's romantic gesture and kissed him passionately. Marc felt a tinge of emptiness as he saw Kay leaving through the door. A feeling he had not experienced since he and Kay got back together.

Marc shook his head and told himself not to sulk. He thought about the apartments that they were going to check out tomorrow. Kay finally agreed for them to move in together, but finding an place they both liked turned out harder than he thought.

He was looking forward to Kay's cooking, thinking that he will pick up some wine on the way.

Marc arrived at Kay's apartment around 6 o'clock, finding it locked. He thought it was a bit weird as Kay hardly locked the door when he's home, especially when he's expecting Marc. But then again, Kay had been on edge the last couple of weeks. It's better to be safe.

Marc opened the door with his keys and came in to an empty apartment. Place was almost exactly as Marc left it before he drove to Ludwigsburg. Did Kay get delayed at work? Marc didn't think so because surely Kay would have texted him. He opened the foyer closet and saw the leather Kay wore this morning was hanging there.

Maybe still doing shopping then. Marc thought it was unlikely because Kay always knew exactly what he wanted when it came to food. Marc could feel himself starting to get anxious. He went to the kitchen and poured himself some gin to calm his nervous.

There must be a simple explanation for this. Marc thought. He didn't want to lose his cool and freak out simple things like this. Kay would call me a pussy again. Marc took out his cell phone and texted Kay.

-I'm at your place now. Where are you? Please reply when you get a chance. Love you.-

Marc put down his phone and tried to busy himself to take his mind off things. He compulsively tidied up the couch, the dining table, the bed, and started doing laundry.

Clock on the stove was edging 7 and still not response from Kay, Marc was getting extremely worried. He had considered all the worst possible situation. Did Kay get hurt while on duty? Did he have an accident? What Marc feared the most, was that bastard Bauer found Kay and has got him.

Marc ran his hand though his hair, grabbed his phone, and speed dialed his number.

As the phone rang, Marc felt his heart racing, almost expecting and hoping that no one will pick up. 

But to Marc's worst fear, someone did pick up the phone. And the voice was definitely not Kay's.

"Officer Borgmann, is that right?" A deep, yet soft voice came from the other side of the line.

Marc felt his heart stopped beating. He almost dropped the phone.

"Don't be too surprised. Kay must have been expecting me. He should have told you about me. Unless he is keeping secrets from you. " The man on the other side made a hissing voice. "Kay is with me. Alive, well, that's about all I can promise now. I don't think he's enjoying my company as much as I hoped."

"Bastard. Of course I know who you are. If you dare to touch to touch Kay, I will crack your neck with my bare hands." Marc muttered through clenched teeth.

"Hey officer, I don't think you are on any grounds to discuss terms with me right now. "

Marc took a deep breath, hardly able to control his hand from shaking, "what the hell do you want?"

"That's more like it mister. But next time, more polite please." The man laughed, "my only goal in life is to make Officer Engle's life miserable. He ruined mine. I thought someone like you might exist, but it would definitely more fun to meet you in person."

"You want me to go over there in place of Kay?" Marc asked almost in a hopeful voice.

"Aw, how romantic. I could just cry right now. " The man said sarcastically, "I did not promise that. But I do want to meet you. Yes. If you want to see your lover, do come. It's the third ware house lot on the industrial east side. Oh, I think I don't need to remind you if you want to see your lover alive, please don't call back up."

The line went dead instantly. Marc dropped the phone on the floor. He collapsed on the bed as his legs could not hold up any longer.

Marc could shoot himself right now for being so careless and stupid. Kay had warned him. Yet he still allowed this to happen. He should have brought Kay with him to Ludwigsburg. Or he should have just told Kay not to go shopping and wait for him. Or why couldn't he just say he will get dinner on the way...

Marc closed his eyes in attempt to calm his erratic breathing and control his heart beating out of his chest. It only made things worse as the images of what that maniac Bauer might be doing to Kay just made him shudder more.

Marc got up and went to the bathroom. He turned on the faucet and splashed cold water to his face. He desperately wanted to just rush over there to be with Kay, even to die with him. But Marc was still a police by nature with a logical and calculating mind. He knew he couldn't call SWAT back up. But he also knew if he just went by himself, it would not help Kay. They would both end up dying there. If Marc guessed right, Bauer would kill him in front of Kay, making Kay suffer even more.

Marc picked up his phone again and called a few guys in the same unit that he and Kay were good friends with, Oliver, Marco, Adrian, and Lukas. He explained the situation and asked for help. He did not tell them details of Kay's history with the maniac as Marc thought he won't want everyone to know. Just said crazy Bauer has a grudge against Kay and wanted revenge. Neither did any of them ask for details. They immediately realized the seriousness of the situation and are all eager to help. They decided to meet at the station to retrieve their service revolvers.

Not wanting to wear a bulky jacket, the bitter cold December wind cut right through his sweatshirt making his teeth chatter. Being the shortest couple of days of the year, it's already totally dark outside. Marc walked toward his Volkswagen Golf in determination. He suddenly remembered the nightmare he had the first few weeks he moved to Munich, Kay deep in the woods begging him for help. Kay, hang on, I'm coming babe.

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, more to come later.

Chapter 12

"Marc, where did he tell you to meet him?" Adrian asked Marc when they all met at the station.

"Some third ware house lot on the east side. I'm not even sure where it is." Marc was busily searching using his cell phone, but fingers are shaking so much that he can hardly press the right keys.

"Oh, I know exactly where he is talking about. "Replied Oliver, who grew up in Munich and served the longest in the unit. "My Dad use to lease a couple of warehouse lots in that area for his business. He did pick a good spot. Usually Sunday night, that whole area is deserted."

"So how are we doing this?" Marco, the youngest one in the unit asked. He turned to Marc, "Marc, are you sure we shouldn't call Alfred and get more back up?"

Marc shook his head aggressively. "This is already risking Kay's life. You guys don't know. That Bauer bastard is a maniac. I called you guys because I know going by myself would just be suicide. Plus, I need some ideas, I can't even think clearly right now."

Lukas put his arm around and patted Marc's shoulder, "don't worry too much, Marc. We will get Kay back. " Everyone knew the nature of Marc and Kay's relationship. They understood what Marc is currently going through. Well, to some extent.

"I have an idea, "Oliver said thoughtfully. "Those warehouses usually all have a pretty big ventilation system. While Marc goes through the door into the warehouse, the rest of us try to get in through the vent system. That way Bauer thinks Marc came alone and we can attack him from behind. "

"How are we going up the vent? By ladder?" Asked Adrian.

"Why not, we can bring one of those foldable ladders with us. And we can come down from the vent with a rope." Lukas sounded excited.

"But what if we can't get in through the vent system. Is there another way in besides the door?" Marco asked.

Oliver shook his head. "Those warehouses usually don't have more than one entry. There is no need to. If the vent plan fails. We would have to wait outside for Marc to give us the cue. Showing up all together at once put Kay at too much risk."

"How is Marc going to communicate with us? Cell phone can't work. Intercom? That's too obvious though..." Lukas thought out aloud.

"Oh Oh, we can use those recorder things the homicide squad has. I still have some left from last time we worked with them. " Lukas just got even more excited.

"Brilliant idea Lukas. Marc can wear the recorder and transmitter, we can hear what's going on inside through ear phones. When things get out of hand, we call SWAT. Let's do that even if we can go through the vent." Oliver patted Lukas on the back.

"Guys, what if Bauer is facing the vent opening on the inside. He will see us as we come in. He will shoot Kay when he figure out Marc did not comply to what they agreed upon."

They all were silent for a bit thinking how to get around that scenario. Marco just shrugged his shoulders and said, "in that case, we will just have to hide in the vent until the timing is right to go down. Like if Bauer turns around or something."

"Okay. Let's do this. " Always being the calmest one, Oliver started to formulate the details of the plan, "we all ride in Marc's car so he doesn't get suspicious. We will bring ladder, rope, and all our gears. We will park as close as possible. Me and Lukas will go around to look for the ventilation opening. Adrian and Marco, you two stay in the car until Marc goes in. Then hide right by the door. "

Oliver turned to face Marc, "Marc, you wear recorder device on the inside of your sweatshirt and hide the transmitter in your pocket. Try not to have Bauer get suspicious. When you are inside, first check how Kay is of course. I don't think I need to tell you that. But try to do 2 other things. One try to locate where the switch for the door is. The door is usually a rolling or sliding gate like those you see for the garage. The switch should be at left or right side. Try to stay close to the switch. Because if the vent system fails, you have to open the door for us to go in before SWAT team gets here. Two, try to locate the opening of the vent usually close to the roof. If Bauer is facing the vent, then see if you can trick him turning the other way."

Listening to all the discussions, Marc is so glad and thankful that he called these great colleagues. There is no way he could think of all the details of the plan. He must looked overwhelmed that Oliver put both hands on his shoulders and tried to calm him, "Marc, take a deep breath. We've got this. Kay will be fine."

They got all the stuff they needed. Lukas decided to take the emergency rifle from the unit and give Marc his service revolver. They left the station in Marc's Volkswagen Golf. Oliver drove because he knew the way best and Marc was in no state to sit behind the wheels.

The warehouses are in the industrial side of town. The area is composed of whole bunch of cubed structures arranged in rows. The ground is nicely paved allowing any vehicle to drive straight to the door for the ease of loading and unloading. It wasn't hard to find lot number 3 since there is some dim light seeping through the crack between the door and ground.

They tested the recording device and Oliver quickly reiterated the plan of attack. Marc went with Oliver and Lukas to find the ventilation opening to the outside first. Locating it was not too hard with the help of flashlights. Lukas gave Marc a quick hug and whispered, "you can do this Marc. You love Kay. You can do this for him", before he and Oliver busied themselves to set up the ladder. Marc started walking back to the door on the other side of the warehouse.

Right. Breathe evenly and I can do this. Marc reminded himself taking deep breath and walked to the front of warehouse door. Standing in front the massive piece of metal, Marc was already a little lost. How was he suppose to notify Bauer that he is here? Marc saw the only option was to knock.

So he did. With right hand on his service revolver that's hidden in his sweatshirt pocket. Marc knocked 3 times, and there was no answer. "Bauer? It's Marc." Of course Bauer won't open the door until he confirm it's Marc.

The metal door started to slide up making loud clanging sounds. Marc noticed the switch of the door was on the right wall. Inside was a large empty warehouse lit by 2 powerful garden lights.

Marc immediately saw Kay. His arms were tied up into a sling, feet are tied up and hanging slightly off the floor, and a duct tape covered his mouth. His bare chest was covered with lacerationss from the whip that Marc saw laying on the floor. Kay's face was covered with blood stain mainly from the battered lower lip and a welt across his right cheek. His blond spikes matted to his head. Kay was looking at Marc, the pain and guilt in those desperate blue eyes made Marc's heart bleed.

"Hello, there. " Bauer was holding a pistol at Kay's temple. "It's so nice to finally meet you. Please come in."

Marc instinctively took out his revolver and pointed at Bauer. It was until then he looked at the man carefully. Bauer was in his mid 30s. Tall and well built, not extremely muscular, but definitely bigger in size compared to Marc or Kay. He had brown curls that was almost shoulder length and rather very attractive features. If Marc had met him on the street, he would have never thought this man is a psychopath.

Bauer closed the metal door with a remote that he put back to his pocket. "So that's your lover? I am very disappointed. You deserved better. " He said in a unimpressed voice, turned to Kay briefly before turning back to face Marc. "Now don't get too excited, Officer Borgmann. Put the gun on the ground please. "

Marc was reluctant to let go of his revolver until he saw Bauer unlocking the pistol pointing at Kay's temple threatening to pull the trigger. He slowly bent his legs to put his gun on the ground. Taking this chance, Marc quickly looked up and saw the ventilation opening on the right wall upper inner corner. Bauer shouldn't be able to see the vent if he doesn't turn around. Marc thought. Though the ventilation is at least 8 meters above the ground and much smaller than he imagined. He wondered how feasible it is for Oliver and Lukas to come through there.

"Now put your hands up. And come closer."

Marc obeyed. He stood back up and put his empty hands in the air. "What do you want?" Marc asked while walking toward Bauer in shaky steps, trying hard to hide his fear. He stopped when he was arms length from Bauer and Kay.

"Revenge. " Bauer pushed his pistol against Kay's temple. "He ruined me. I lost my career, my reputation, and my life."

"How? You were the one beating Kay. You just expect him to keep quiet about it?" Marc knew he shouldn't reason with this maniac, but he had to stall some time as his mind was clueless to what to do next.

"Yes! Faggots get beaten up all the time. It's the norm. Just like faggots fuck whenever they have the chance."

Marc felt disgusted that he is trying to reason with this twisted mind. The police force should really do better in their psychological screening before letting sick minds like this holding arms. He shook his head, "okay, you asked me to come. Now what do you want me to do?"

"Now that's more like it." Bauer nodded. "I think nothing would make Kay Engel suffer more than watching his lover dying in front of him, whilst trying to save him.

Marc expected this. But at least if that bastard can take the pistol off Kay, he thought he had a chance since he still had Lukas' revolver in his pocket. To Marc's surprise, Bauer took out another pistol from his pocket and aimed directly at Marc.

Scheisse. Marc thought. He did not expect Bauer to have 2 guns. This just got a lot more complicated.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. Leave suggestions :).

Breathe Evenly- Chapter 13

Bauer steadied his right hand and aimed directly at Marc's forehead. He held another pistol on the left hand pointing at Kay's temple.

He unlocked the safety of the gun pointing at Marc. There was no way Bauer could have missed. No fucking way.

"Any last words?" Bauer snickered at Marc.

This can't be it. Marc thought with disbelief in his head. This can't be how it was going to end. He was just starting his life with Kay. With everything all ironed out, they were just planning to move together. Sebastian will need his Papa more and more as he grows up. He can't just abandon his son. Marc feel completely worthless at this moment. With all the help from the other guys and well thought plan of attack. All Bauer had to do was point the gun at Kay and Marc was totally useless.

He looked at Kay, who was crying now. The watery blue eyes holding so much pain made Marc's heart break. Marc managed to put on an encouraging smile, "Kay, I love you so much babe. I am sorry I can't save you like you saved me. You are right, I am a pussy, totally useless. " His voice started to crack. "I'm so glad I was able to find you again. At least you know how I feel right? If there is an afterlife, I hope I can meet you again..."

A shot cut across the warehouse and landed on Bauer's right elbow, causing him to drop the gun pointing at Kay. Bauer reflexively fired the other pistol, only a second too late as Marc ducked down. The bullet landed in metal door. Wasting no time, Marc took the second revolver from his pocket and took 2 shots at Bauer while ducking on the floor, landing in his abdomen and his right thigh.

Marc got up and checked on Bauer first, making sure he was passed out. He search Bauer to ensure there is not a third gun on him. All he found was the remote control which Marc used to open the door. He then took a quick look around the warehouse, checking where the first shot came from though Marc had a pretty good idea. The barrel of the rifle was pointing out of opening of the ventilation blinds.

Lukas! Marc made a note to himself to buy the most expensive gift on the registry when Lukas and his girlfriend get married. Trained as a sniper when he served in the army, Lukas still had the best aim in the whole district. No wonder he was adamant about taking the emergency rifle, even against everyone's advice. 

"Kay!" Knowing Marco and Adrian are rushing in from outside and taking care of Bauer, Marc rushed to his lover. All he cares about right now is how badly Kay is hurt. Marc took out his Swiss army knife to slash the sling rope while holding onto Kay and slowly lowered him to the ground. He cut the rope tying Kay's wrist and ankles being as gentle as possible. The ropes dug deep into Kay's wrist leaving two ugly lacerations.

"Kay, how are you feeling?" Marc ripped the duct tape covering Kay's mouth.

Cold gusts of wind start to blow in from the open door making Kay shiver uncontrollably.  Marc quickly took off his sweatshirt and wrapped around Kay's bare chest.

He started to check over Kay for any injuries other than the lacerations from the whip. Kay flinched at Marc's touch. His right ankle was swollen to twice its normal size and Kay screamed a little when Marc tried to move it.

"I'm sorry, babe. Does it hurt anywhere else, Kay?" Marc kept asking as he was checking for injuries. Kay did not respond but just hugged himself and kept on shaking. Marc tried to wipe some blood and tear off Kay's face but Kay turned away from his hand. Marc thought it was due to the shock of everything but when he saw some blood stains on the back of Kay's sweatpants something suddenly clicked in his head. He remembered what Kay told him about the things Bauer tried to do in Stuttgart and he immediately feared for the worst.

No! God please tell me that did not happen. Marc quickly checked and made sure Adrian and Marco are busying with cuffing Bauer or calling for help. No one was paying attention to him and Kay. Marc gently lifted Kay's chin up to look at him in the eye, "Kay, "Marc asked in a whisper, "did he...did he touch you?"

The hopeless expression in Kay's blue eyes was all Marc needed to know. Tears gushed from Kay's eyes and he buried his face in his knees and quietly sobbed as he sat in a fetal position.

 Marc felt a rage coming over him at once making it hard for him to breathe. He stood up, ran over to Bauer's limp body and start kicking him with all his might.

"Hey, hey, easy Marc. Easy. " Adrian got up and pulled Marc away, not sure what came over his friend making him turn violent all the sudden. Marc tried to escape but Adrian tightened his grip. "Marc, it's okay. We've got him. He will get punished for what's done. "

"No!" Marc yelled. "I'm going to kill him. No, killing him is too nice for him. I'm going to slice off his flesh piece by piece when he is begging me to kill him."

"Wow, Marc, that's some dark stuff. "Lukas raised his eyebrows as he and Oliver came in through the door, both covered with dust.

Marc elbowed Adrian causing him to lose his grip and took out the revolver he shot Bauer with, aiming straight at Bauer's head.

All 4 of them went silent when they saw the anger in Marc's eyes. Oliver put his hand on Marc's arm and said in his calm soothing voice, "Marc. We have got him. That bastard is not going to escape. He will be punished by law and most likely serve a life sentence. You don't want to do this. Put the gun down."

"No! Marc shouted, "with some smart lawyer and crazy jury, he could easily get off with 10, 20 years. Even if he serves a life in prison, he still gets adequate life on our taxpayer money. There should be only one place for this type of scum on earth, hell!"

Marc started to unlock the safety of the revolver.

"Marc, don't do it. " Oliver raised his voice, "remember we are police officers. Opening fire against defenseless person will be murder."

"I don't care if I go to prison." Marc is threatening to press the trigger.

"Marc, put the gun down." Kay's hoarse voice made Marc turn around. Kay was looking straight at him and he saw a mixture of expression in Kay's blue eyes, anger, guilt, pain, disappointment. How can he go to prison? Kay needs him more than ever right now. If he goes to jail, who's going to take care of Kay. How is he going to explain to Sebastian?

Marc let Oliver take the gun from him. He ran over to Bauer and kicked him 3 times, as hard as he could in the groin.

Marc went over to Kay again, knelt down and wiped the tears off Kay's face with the pads of his thumbs. He wrapped his arms around Kay and pulled him close. Kay went tense initially but eventually relaxed in Marc's soothing touch. He wrapped his arms around Marc's waist and buried his head in Marc's shoulder.

The sound of sirens came closer and closer. Uniform police officers came in followed by forensics and paramedics. Everyone busied themselves in the logistic of things leaving those 2 lovers holding onto each other as if their lives depended on it, oblivious to the world.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy. More to come later.

It took the paramedics a long time convincing Kay to come with them to the hospital . This time, Marc came with him on the ambulance as his partner.

In the emergency room, after Kay was taken to all the tests and Xray, a young doctor in his early 30s introducing himself as Doctor Wildt came over to ask Kay questions and examined Kay. He asked Marc to leave initially, but Marc held tight onto Kay’s hand pleading to stay. Of course he didn’t want to leave, he’s just got Kay back. If he had his way, Marc never want Kay out of his sight again. Kay nodded his head slightly indicating he is okay with Marc staying.

When questions became increasingly private in nature, the Dr. Wildt uncomfortably shuffled his feet on the ground. Kay answered everything in a poker face void of any expression. However, the tight squeeze Kay had on Marc’s hand told Marc how hard he is trying to put on a brave front.

When it comes to the examination, Kay shook violently obviously extremely uncomfortable to the touch of another male. Marc held onto him gently and whispered soothing words into his ear. It had been an ordeal to all of them, the young doctor included. What might been only 10 minutes felt like an hour. In the end, Dr. Wildt apologized and recounted their plan.

“Mr. Engel. I’m sorry for the pain I caused but it was necessary for us to figure out what needs to be done. Good news your right ankle is not broken on the Xray. It's probably just twisted and when the swelling goes down in a couple of days, you should be able to walk no problem. A head CT also did not show any abnormalities. There is a bad bruise at the back or your head though. There are 2 lacerations on your back and 1 on your front chest that are too long and deep to heal by themselves and will need stitches. ” Dr. Wildt looked on the floor and swallowed, “there are a couple of internal injuries that will also need some small stitch or they will get easily infected. We will do those now and then keep you overnight. If you feel good by tomorrow morning, you can go home.  In addition, I have one more question for you. Did the attacker use condom?”

Scheisse. Marc hadn’t even thought of that. To his relief, Kay quietly nodded his head while staring at the ceiling. Marc couldn’t image having to think about that on top of everything else. He already doesn’t know how to get Kay and himself through this.

“Then risk of sexually transmitted diseases is very low. But there is a lot of blood so I still strongly advise you to get the serial tests. ” He then turned to look at Marc briefly, " I would also advise you to use protection until the final tests are negative."

Marc wanted to get up and punch the him in the face. He knew it's the doctor's job to discuss those things. But it really sounded like as if sex is the top thing on their minds right now. It would be a long time before Kay would be able to let anyone touch him again, if that ever happens. Marc sighed.

"Do what you have to do." Kay closed his eyes, still shaking with each breathe.

"Mr. Borgmann, I would ask you to leave while we stitch up the injuries." Dr. Wildt said politely.

Kay opened his and grabbed onto Marc's hand tighter. Marc returned the squeeze and asked, almost pleaded, "can't I stay with him?"

"No, I'm sorry sir. We will need to move to a procedure room as this will be a sterile procedure to minimize the risk of infection. And Mr. Engle will need to be sedated." The doctor said politely but firmly. It was clear that looking at Kay's reaction just being examined, he would not be able to fix all the injuries without the help of heavy medication.

Marc turned to Kay and looked defeated. He leaned down planning to kiss his lover, but not sure whether Kay is ready yet, Marc changed his mind and just give Kay a quick hug. Looking at the disappointment in Kay's blue eyes, Marc kicked himself. It was the wrong decision. It was just feeding into Kay's thoughts that he's not worthy to be kissed.

The nurse showed Marc the waiting room. It was the same room Marc stayed at 6 months ago when Kay had the surgery after being shot. The same hard bench and out of date magazines made Marc relive the whole nightmare again. Only this time, he felt worse.

Breathe evenly, Kay's voice in the woods echoed in Marc's ears. The same dream kept on playing out in Marc's head. He really hated himself at the moment. Kay saved his life by shielding him from the bullet. Kay didn't want to move together in order to protect him from Bauer. Kay even kept it a total secret if it wasn't for Marc getting so mad that day. Kay had done so much for him, protecting him, saving him. Yet he couldn't save Kay, not even once. He couldn't get to Kay on time. If it wasn't for Lukas' amazing shot, both himself and Kay would have been dead. Now could he get Kay through this dump, Marc is not so sure.

"Thought you might need this." The cheerful voice stopped Marc from down ward spiral of depressive thoughts. Marc looked up and saw Lukas and Adrian sitting on either side of him. Lukas was handing him a shot of espresso.

"Thanks." Marc took the cup from Lukas and dumped down his throat. The bitterness of caffeine woke him up a bit from the nightmare he felt he had been living in.

"Lukas, I can't say enough thank you for that shot. " Marc said wholeheartedly. "I owe you my life, mate. Whatever you need in the future. Just ask."

Lukas smiled embarrassedly. "Oliver's plan made me think of the rifle with long barrel. He was working on the lock of the vent and I saw the bastard point the guns at you and Kay and thought scheisse. How did that bastard have 2 guns. I tried to aim better but the angle of the blinds I would only get his right arm with confidence. He was too close to Kay. I didn't want to risk of shooting Kay."

"No mate. It was more than I could have asked for. I literally had no idea what I was going to do." Marc confessed.

"When me and Marco heard shots going off we got really worried. Because we heard through the recorder that bastard was going to shoot you and we then we heard like 3 shots. Thank god it was that bastard who was shot. " Adrian chimed in. "You shot him good too, Marc. Looks like he's going to lose a leg and at least half of his liver. "

"He should have been dead. I wish I have killed him. " Marc said coldly.

"How is Kay, Marc? Is he hurt bad?" There is great concern in Adrian's voice. Everyone saw how Marc reacted after he checked Kay and suspect that Kay's injuries were not just some whip lacerations.

Marc lowered his head to his hands. He wanted to tell their friends about everything, but he didn't know how Kay would feel.

"Hey Marc, it will be okay. " Adrian put his arm around Marc and lower his head to talk softly in Marc's ear. "I have not see many people as much in love as you and Kay are. I'm sure no matter what, you guys will pull through."

"Adrian's right Marc, you two will get through." Lukas patted Marc's shoulder. "And we all are more than happy to help."

"Thanks guys." Marc felt encouraged with such supportive friends. "They are just fixing Kay up right now. He will be okay. We will both be fine."

"That's the spirit." Adrian smiled broadly. "And Marc, I already talked to Alfred about everything and asked for days off for both you and Kay."

"You woke him up at this hour?" Marc raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah, he wasn't thrilled, but I doubt he was sleeping anyway, with a 8 month at home." Adrian chuckled.

"There must be tons of paperwork to do. They must want statements...." Marc sighed thinking of all the logistics of things.

"Oh yeah. Oliver and Marco is taking care of most of it." Lukas waved his hand carelessly. "The case will be taken by another district, as we all have conflict of interest."

"Probably for the better." Marc murmured. He wasn't sure how much Kay wanted their friends to know the details. "They are keeping Kay here tonight. Are they going to come here for statements?" Marc was more less talking to himself.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I'm sure they will contact you when they want statements." Adrian rolled his eyes. 

Dr. Wildt appeared in the waiting room walking toward Marc. He was a little hesitant to talk when he saw Marc wasn't alone. Adrian took the hint and tapped on Lukas' shoulder. They both patted Marc on the back and said bye before taking off.

"All the injuries stitched up well. Mr. Engle is still a little sleepy from the medications but you can see him in his room upstairs. "

Marc murmured thank you and was ready to get up. Dr. Wildt stopped him before he walked away and handed him a card.

"I know the physical injuries is nothing compared to the psychological abuse your boyfriend endured. It's not easy to get through things like this. Victims of trauma like this may appear to be well for many years even, but a some single random reminder may cause their world to crumble down and they into panic attack. Name on the card is a psychiatrist who I think will be able to be great help." Dr. Wildt said in a sincerely tone.

Marc was surprised the  awkward young doctor could be so understanding and thoughtful. He shook his hand and said, "thank you very much."

"We have got to look out for each other." Dr. Wildt winked at Marc as he walked away.

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy

Marc walked through the long white hall way of the hospital floor and had a déjà vu of walking through similar hall way 6 months ago. Marc reached Kay's room at the end of the hall way and glanced inside. It was a private room with a window. At least it's not the ICU with glass walls. Marc smiled weakly.

Kay was laying on a stretcher not too much bigger than himself, sleeping peacefully. Marc walked up to him and brushed the matted blond spikes off Kay's forehead. He found an uncomfortable plastic chair and brought it to Kay's bedside for himself.

It's after 2 am. The exhaustion of the whole evening is starting to take a toll on Marc. He grabbed hold of Kay's hand, rested his head on the stretcher and started to drift off.

"No! Stop!" Marc was immediately waken up by Kay's desperate voice. "Stop! Marc! Where are you? Help me, Marc!"

 Kay was flailing in bed with eyes still closed with tears streaming down his face. Marc got up and sat on Kay's stretcher, wrapping his arm around Kay and held him tight. The nurses came rushing in since Kay's violent movement set off the alarms. Marc hinted them to leave and he will take care of it.

"Shhshh. Kay, I'm here. You are alright. You are alright." Marc whispered into Kay's ears and rubbed Kay's arm.

"Marc, where are you?" Kay still murmured, but in a quieter and quieter voice. The familiarity of Marc's hold and scent calmed Kay down and he was able to drift back to sleep, while murmuring Marc's name. Marc tenderly wiped the tears off Kay's face. It was Marc's turn to sob now. Kay's desperate voice tore his heart apart. He can't believe Kay, completely helpless, spent hours with that monster, enduring all the whip on the skin, the monster inside his body...And what was he doing? Leisurely driving back from Ludwigsburg, picking up wine? He regretted letting Oliver taking the gun. He should have blasted that bastard's brains.

Marc woke up to the nurses making rounds in the morning. Still holding tightly onto Kay, he looked at the clock on the opposite wall reading 5am. He shifted off the stretcher and sat back on the plastic chair so the nurse can take vitals for Kay.

"Do you want to sleep more? You look like shit." Kay asked Marc after the nurse left.

Marc smiled and shook his head. He grabbed Kay's hand, kissed it and pressed against his face. "Kay, do you want to tell me what happened?" Marc asked in a gentle but serious tone, "they will need to take statement from you later today or tomorrow I'm sure. You can wait until then if you don't want to tell the story twice."

Kay was quiet and looked down the stretcher for a minute. Then he turned his blue eyes toward Marc, "I will tell you. Because I'm not sure how much detail I want to put in my statement."

Marc nodded. Of course he would prefer Kay put everything on the statement so that bastard Bauer gets every sentence he deserves. But he understood Kay's decision.

Kay took a deep, steadying breathe and started, "I was getting some steak from [Wienermarkt](http://www.muenchen.de/rathaus/Stadtverwaltung/Kommunalreferat/markthallen/wienermarkt.html). On my way back to my car, there is a white van appeared out of nowhere came at me. It stopped right after it knocked me over. I twisted my ankle and was having trouble standing up. Before I turned around, something hard hit the back of my head and I passed out. When I woke up, I was at the back of the van, all tied up, blind folded with a tape on my mouth. I realized what happened but there was nothing I could do."

"He took me to that warehouse and hang me up in a sling. He cut my sweatshirt off and started hitting me with that whip of his. He kept saying crazy things about how he's finally got back to me for ruining his life, but this is not enough and I had to suffer before I die. Not sure how long he kept waving his whip until he got tired, I definitely passed out a couple of times in between. He then ripped the tape off my mouth and started asking me questions about you. No idea how, but he already knew your name and that you are also a police officer. He asked which unit you are at, whether we are in the same unit, what you drive to Ludwigsburg for. Of course I won't say anything."

"He laughed like the maniac he is and said it's so cute I'm trying to protect you, but watch you will leave me after you find out what he did to me. He took down his pants. " Kay closed his eyes as the traumatic memory is starting to make him shiver again. Marc got up to the stretcher and held him tightly.

"I knew what he was going to do." Kay continued in a shaky voice, " In fact, as soon as I realized it must be him in the van, I feared this is what he will end up doing to me. I wanted to scream, to vomit or just beg him to kill me. I know nothing is going to stop him so I ended up just close my eyes, pretended that it wasn't my body and just endured as he took me. At least I won't be a pussy in front of him. I bit my lip so hard that I could taste pieces of my own flesh, but it was still the worst thing I have ever experienced. "

Tears gushed down Kay's cheeks and he was starting to lose his voice. Marc just held Kay tight and gently rocked him while trying to control his own tears.

"He took me 3 times, before he couldn't get it up anymore." Kay continued in broken sobs. " He said won't it be fun for you to come and see me like this. He started to ask for your phone number. I kept my mouth shut. He threatened that he knew where you lived and he could just go to your apartment to fetch you. I said he won't dare leave me alone here. He got mad since I was right and started to whip me again. At least it was better than that."

Kay tried to dry his eyes and blow his nose with the tissue Marc gave him but tears kept on coming, "He fumbled with my cut up sweatshirt and found my phone. He asked for my pass code for my phone so he can find your number but I said nothing. He said it doesn't matter, you will call me at some point and he can just answer. He said you already texted me and sounded really worried. He even read me your text. I knew what he said was true but I still held onto the minute hope that you might be caught up with something and forget to call me until much later. Maybe that bastard will get bored and just kill me. Then I don't have to live through all this. "

"Kay! Oh, babe." Marc can't control his sobs anymore.

"Then you called and he laughed like a maniac again after he hang up with you. He said what's more painful for me than watching you die right in front of my eyes. He was so excited that he started dancing in the warehouse. He's totally right and there is absolutely nothing I can do. I started to call him names and tried to take a swing at him with my knees and the little strength I had left. He slapped another piece of tape on my mouth. I guess the excitement got him up and he raped me again."

"When he was pointing the gun at you Marc, I've never felt so hopeless. I even wished he would rape me again if he could let you go."

"No Kay. Never say that again." Marc sobbed in Kay's neck while brushing through Kay's blond spikes with his fingers. "I am sorry I couldn't protect you from all this. I am the one who is completely useless. "

After they both calmed a bit, Marc let go gently to face Kay's blue eyes. He put both palms on Kay's face and wipe the tears with the pad of his thumbs. "Kay, " Marc said determinedly, "I promise you we can get through this. You are much stronger than you think, Kay. You can't give up. That's what that bastard wants. You can't let him win."

Kay didn't reply. He just buried his head in Marc's neck again. They held onto each other silently, trying to give each other strength, until the doctor came by to check on Kay and let him go home.  

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy. Almost done.

6AM in the morning, but Marc is wide awake. Actually, he has been awake since Kay's nightmare at 3AM. Three days out of the hospital, Kay is still having nightmares every night. But last night was the first time that Marc was not able to comfort him.

When Kay started struggling and screaming, Marc put his hand on Kay's shoulder trying to hold his lover in his arms and bring him out of the nightmare. To his surprised, Kay punched him and shoved him away. Marc landed crushing his shoulder against the wall. So Marc had to sit on the floor, watching the man he loved struggle against his own demons and there was nothing he could do. He sat there for an hour, until Kay finally quieted down before he was able to crawl back to bed.

The last 3 days had been exhausting for both of them. He wanted to help Kay, wanted to take care of him, but also didn't want do too much for Kay to hurt his confidence, making him feel like an invalid. Kay put on a brave face and act as if nothing has happened, but sometimes panic attack just come out of the blue. Like yesterday when they were watching a movie, Marc noticed Kay's breathing suddenly became erratic and shoulders start to tense. Kay even turned a little blue making Marc so worried that he almost called the ambulance. Thankfully, he was able to get Kay back by whispering "breathe evenly" in his ear and rubbing his shoulders while holding onto him.

Marc notices the muscles of Kay's back started to twitch, he knew his lover was waking up. He wanted to pat Kay's shoulder  but stopped since Kay still did not react well to Marc touching him from behind.

Instead, Marc called, "Kay, Kay, " in a gentle voice.

But Kay did not respond. He got up, limped to the bathroom and closed the door. Marc knew Kay wanted to check on his stitches. He must have felt them getting pulled during the night due to his nightmare. Marc could easily check it for Kay, but then again, he didn't want to treat Kay like an invalid.

Marc rubbed his eyes. He already felt the swell on his cheek from Kay's punch last night. He barely slept 3 hours last night, could say the same thing about all nights since that dreadful Sunday. He was so tense all the time because he felt like he had be careful around Kay, as if Kay was some easily broken piece of crystal. He knew that's the last thing Kay wanted, but he didn't know what else to do. Sighing deeply, Marc is starting to doubt again how they are going to get through this dump.

Kay had been in the bathroom for a while and Marc was starting to get worried. He got up from bed and wanted to knock on the door. A loud sound of shattering glass made Marc run to the bathroom door and started pounding it.

"What happened, Kay? Open the door, or I will knock it down. " And Marc was completely serious.

Kay opened the door. Marc saw the mirror on the wall was completely shattered on the floor and Kay's left hand was dripping blood.

"It's the mirror's fault." Kay said grumpily.

If not considering what they just went through and the bleeding of Kay's hand very much synced the bleeding in Marc's heart, Marc would think this scenario to be hilarious. Marc grabbed Kay's hand and turned on the faucet to rinse away the blood, relieved when he saw mainly small cuts. Nothing too deep.

Making sure all the glass pieces are washed out, Marc turned off the faucet. "Let's go to the hospital."

"No." Kay pulled his hand away and sat back on the bed.

"Kay, your hand needs to be checked. " Marc was getting a headache.

"I said no." Kay was adamant. "I am not going. I don't want some dumb ass doctor commenting on my stitches, or ask how I got them."

Marc sighed. He knows there is no way to convince Kay when he is like this. He took some alcohol  and bandage dressing from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. He went in front Kay and pulled his hand to start clean the cuts with alcohol.

When Kay started to pull away, Marc did not loosen his grip, "Kay. At least let me clean it. You want it get infected? Let me clean it or we go to hospital."

Marc worked diligently on cleaning and bandaging Kay's hand, gently whistling some air when he heard Kay hiss from the stung of the alcohol on cut skin. After he was done, he looked up and saw Kay staring at him with teary blue eyes.

"What's wrong babe? Pain?" Marc tried to wipe away some of Kay's tears.

Kay took his free right hand and gently caressed the bruise on Marc's cheekbone. "What happened?" Kay frowned, his hand dropped as if he suddenly realized something, "did I do this to you Marc?"

Marc joked, " you are still pretty strong." 

Kay put his forehand on his hand and rubbed the tears from his eyes. He let out a shaky sob.

Marc got up and sat on bed beside him, "Hey babe, I'm okay. The bruise makes me more handsome, no?"

"Marc, let's split for a while." Kay whispered, his hand still covering is face.

Marc felt enraged. The exhaustion of the last 5 days was getting the better of him. After all they have been through, he can't believe Kay wants to give up now.

"What the hell are you talking about Kay?!" Marc yelled. "If you say something like this again, I am going to drag you to the hospital to have your head scanned and see why you have became so stupid! Don't you get it? I love you. " Marc took a deep, steadying breath and calmed his voice a bit. He took Kay's right hand and pressed it against his face. "Kay, I'm not going anywhere. And don't you dare leaving me. We probably both need professional help, but we will get through this. I promise. You don't know, when I came home to an empty apartment Sunday, when I called you and that bastard answered, when I saw you tied up in that warehouse, when you told me what he did to you..." Marc was starting to choke on his sobs, "I wanted to shot myself. I wish it was me instead Kay. I wish it was me."

"I'm sorry Marc. I never wanted to leave you. It's just I feel I'm going to ruin you one day. " Kay pulled Marc close .

Marc held tightly onto Kay, buried his head on Kay's shoulder, "no, leaving you would ruin me."

After he felt his tears were dried up, Marc sat up. He blew his nose and looked at Kay, still the most handsome man he had ever seen, still smiling at him. He felt another part of his body started to wake up.

Marc brought his thumb up and ghosted over Kay's lower lip, he asked gently, "Kay, can I kiss you?"

Kay looked a little surprised and slightly uncomfortable. But maybe it was the sincerity in Marc's voice, he nodded.

It was a soft, tender kiss. Marc tasted the lips he missed so much. He wanted to linger and go deeper but afraid he was pushing Kay too hard. He still made a mistake though. He was too close that the hard-on between his legs pressed on Kay's thigh.

"I'm sorry Kay. " Marc said embarrassedly. He was mad at the little self control he had. He must had scared Kay now.

"Marc, you still want me?" Kay lowered his eyes and said in such a shameful voice that made Marc's heart break. As if he was some piece of waste that nobody wants. This was only a shadow of the cocky and confident man back in the day.

"Kay, I never stopped wanting you, from the first day we met." Marc was brushing Kay's blond spikes, "but we definitely do not have to move that fast. One step at a time babe, okay?"

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still reading? Almost done.

Marc got off work early and came back to Kay's apartment, to his horror, finding it empty again. All the nightmare from a almost 2 weeks ago started rushing back to him. Where is Kay? Marc thought he was in a dream, he hoped he was in a dream. But unfortunately, his arm hurt when he pinched himself. No, this is very real.

It's been 11 days since that dreadful Sunday. Marc went back to work beginning of this week, mainly due to Kay's insistence. Kay said they will both get crazy if they stayed in this confined space together 24/7 any longer. Marc did not like the idea at all. He hated not knowing how Kay was doing at home, whether he was having another panic attack, whether he was sulking again. That's why Marc was texting Kay every 5 minutes and would get worried if Kay didn't respond within 30 seconds.

Kay started seeing a shrink a week ago, the panic attacks been much improved. Kay was getting better at predicting and controlling them. After reconfirming giving up on them was not an option, things have been getting better steadily. Kay was starting to smile more, becoming more like his old self, and Marc was starting to breathe. Getting tired of being home all the time, they did start to go out. Having drinks in the bar, driving to parks outside the city, going to their favorite restaurants. Clubbing was still a bad idea, as Kay still froze when someone bumps him from the back. All with Marc of course, Kay still wasn't ready to go outside by himself. Or as though Marc thought.

So he was totally expecting Kay to be at home when he came back from work. Marc felt his heart racing and difficult to breathe again. He took out his phone and started speed dial Kay's number. No more wasting time with texts. Marc did not care if this was not healthy, he needed to know where Kay was and how he is doing all the time.

No answer. Well, at least it was better than someone else answering it. Marc threw the phone on the couch and slumped on the bed.

When he heard the key turning and door opening, Marc jumped up from bed. There was Kay, in his leather jacket and jeans, with a square bag in his hand.

"Where the hell have you been? Why did you leave the apartment?" Marc yelled and grabbed Kay's shoulders to check if he was okay.

"Calm down, Marc. I can walk now remember? My ankle is fine." Kay smiled.

"Why weren't you home? Where did you go?" Marc is still not letting go of Kay.

"I went to the hospital to get my stitches taken out." Kay said nonchalantly.

"Why? I said I have time tomorrow morning and I would go with you." Marc can't believe Kay went to the hospital by himself.

"We have other plans tomorrow morning. " Kay said mischievously. "Remember that condo we both like and were going to go see a week ago? It's still available. I called the agent and she said we can go check it out tomorrow morning."

"We can do both tomorrow morning." Marc is a slightly mad that Kay left the apartment without telling him having him so worried.

"Well, the main thing I had to go out was for this." Kay walked inside, took a big cardboard box out of the bag and laid on the table. When he opened the box, to Marc's surprise, it was a chocolate birthday cake from his favorite bakery with his name on it. "Happy 30th birthday babe. I had to go get it for you. The hospital was just down the street from the bakery, so I thought might as well just get those damn stitches out today."

With everything that went on in the past 2 weeks, Marc totally forgot about his own birthday today. He is amazed that Kay remembered. He looked at Kay in disbelief. He knew Kay still had hard time whenever there was someone behind him. He kept looking back whenever they are on the streets, making sure no one was following them. Even though Kay is nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders right now, going outside by himself for the first time since coming out of the hospital must have been an ordeal.

Marc pulled Kay close, planted a kiss on his neck and squeezed him tightly. "Thank you babe." Marc said in a hoarse voice. "Thank you so much. But please let me know next time. When I got here finding it empty, and you wouldn't pick up your phone. I thought..."

"I'm sorry Marc. Battery must have ran out on my phone. I wanted to give you a surprise, and I thought I would be back by the time you got off work. I'm sorry I had you so worried."

Marc pressed his forehead to Kay's. He started to kiss Kay, gently but passionately. He always held Kay loosely and gave the control to him. Letting Kay decide how much he is ready for. For the first time since that incident, Marc felt Kay was not holding back. He kissed Marc feverishly with no reserve, just like how he did before.

Lost in the moment of passion, Marc's hands swam on Kay's body and started to move downward. As his hand reached Kay's ass, Kay froze. Marc immediately realized what was wrong and started to lift his hand up. However, Kay stopped him.

"Marc, I want to try." Kay murmured.

They had not been able to make love yet. Kay was hurt physically and no way Marc was going to put him through that trauma again. Marc wanted to leave that decision completely to Kay. Not that he doesn't wake up with a hard-on every morning sleeping next to that attractive body.

Marc pushed back a bit and looked into Kay's blue eyes, full of love and desire. "Kay, are you sure? It hasn't been that long..."

Kay nodded, "I want to Marc. Or there is no way I can forget it. I want to feel your touch, not his."

Marc caressed Kay's cheek and jaw, "at anytime it becomes too much, just call stop. Don't worry about me, okay?"

Kay responded with another deep kiss and Marc started moving them toward the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marc hold Kay's naked body to his and smiled blissfully. They were finally able to make love and it felt so beautiful that Marc almost cried. He was tender and slow, watching Kay's face with each step for any sign of hesitation. Kay was so brave that made Marc love him even more, thought Marc didn't think it was possible.

They just laid there, in silence, enjoying each other's company. Kay shifted slightly to face Marc and said sheepishly, "thank you Marc. It was beautiful."

"Glad to be of service." Marc chuckled. He looked at Kay, all the sudden a little mesmerized that they are together here, after all this time, as if they were the only people in the world. He was so thankful to have Kay with him. "You are so great babe. " Marc smiled gratefully, "I don't just mean today."

Kay smiled, a bit of that cocky smile coming back to his face, which made Marc's heart soar.

"Marc," Kay took a deep breath, thinking Marc would agree to anything he asks for right now, "I told Alfred today that I will be back to work next week starting Tuesday."

"What?!" Marc sat up, clearly not prepared for Kay's decision, "are you crazy Kay? That's too soon. You are still uncomfortable walking on the street. You look back just about a hundred times a minute. "  

" I will be driving the patrol car. I am okay with driving."

"But you will need to get out of the car. And when you do, it's a thousand times more dangerous than any old street. I will be worried to death."

Kay sighed and grabbed Marc's hand. "I know you are worried, Marc. I am worried too. I know it won't be easy. But nothing is easy and I have to do this. I have to get my life back. Just like today, it wasn't easy having sex with you, but we did it. And I'm so glad we did."

Marc can't say no to that. Kay loved his job and won't be Kay if he wasn't a police officer. He sighed and nodded, "just call me whenever you get a chance at work, okay?"

Kay hugged him and chuckled, "as if you don't call me 20 times a day. Seriously Marc, you need to chill. You trust me right? I can take care of myself. You will get an ulcer in your stomach if you continue like this. Speaking of which, " Kay turned around and looked at the cake still in the box on the table. "Oh crap, the cake must be soggy by now."

Marc got up and put on his boxers while throwing Kay his. He went to the kitchen and got plates and knife. Marc cut a piece and took a bite. The chocolate icing with perfect level of sweetness and the soft texture of the cake melted on his tongue.

"How is it?" Kay asked.

"Why don't you try too. " Marc took another bite and started kissing Kay, sharing the piece of cake with the man he loved, his partner in life.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter... for now. The story could go on forever, but I am not sure if I have enough in me to continue writing. We will see.

Kay opened his eyes to the clangs of beer bottles. He rubbed his eyes and said groggily, "shit! How did I fall asleep? What time is it?" 

"It's half to midnight. You are working way too much, that's why. You just had to take that shift last night and refuse to rest before the party. You looked like a zombie by the time people started coming." Marc replied grumpily. 

They just had a house warming party in the condo they moved into last week, this time together. Almost all their colleagues from the unit came, even Frank and Britt drove down from Ludwigsburg with their respective partners. Kay's sister Lisa wanted to drive down but could not find a babysitter. 

Kay covered Marco's night shift after working his own so he did work for 16 hours straight. Then he had to get things ready for the party since Marc had to work. He must have fell asleep on the couch while the guests were still here. He felt very bad but couldn't help it. He was just too tired.

Kay got up and looked out the full length window. It looked like a small blizzard was brewing outside. 

"Damn, snowing again. February is the worst time of the year. " Kay cursed. 

"That's why we are going to Switzerland babe."

"I hope the blizzard doesn't delay our flight. " Kay murmured.

"It should clear up by the morning." Marc replied as he continue to busy himself to cleaning the perishables and organizing beer bottles.

Kay went over and put his arms around Marc's waist, hugging him from behind. He planted a kiss on the back of Marc's neck and rested his chin on Marc's shoulder. Kay sighed happily, "Marc, don't always be so compulsive about cleaning. Let's go to bed. We have to get up early for flight tomorrow."

"We can't have these sitting here when we are going to be gone for 2 weeks. Go to bed babe, you must be tired. Let me finish this." Marc patted Kay's hands on his abdomen.

"How about this. I will clean up here. Why don't you go check we have everything packed including our IDs. You know I will forget stuff. " Kay grinned coyly .

Marc sighed, he was planning to do that anyway. He turned around, give Kay a peck on the cheek, and went to the bedroom.

With all the things they went through the last 6 weeks. Marc felt they both need a real vacation. With Bauer's trial set to start in March, Marc can see Kay is getting increasingly anxious again. Kay is always taking on extra shifts, trying to exhaust himself at work so he doesn't have to think about testifying in the trials. Marc, on the other hand, feels he is always worrying, mostly about Kay. They both need to de-stress. And what's a better way than a ski resort on the Swiss Alps. That's why Marc organized the whole trip, asked for vacations for both him and Kay, and surprised Kay with it. It did feel good to see his lover so happy.

Marc checked the suitcases to make sure everything was packed. After he was satisfied all the particular things he and Kay liked are in there, he zipped them up. He put his hand in his bag to make sure their passports are inside, he felt a small box.

Curiously, Marc took it out. It was a purple velvety box. Marc immediately knew what it was. He opened the box and saw 2 titanium bands, with their names inscribed on the inner side of the bands. It was definitely his turn to get surprised.

"Kay!" Marc took the box to the living room, where Kay pretended to be busy clearing the table and tying up garbage bags. He looked up to wide eyed Marc and smiled.

"Why?" Marc stammered, clearly still dumbfounded.

"What kind of response is that? Because I love you. You are not thinking of turning me down, are you?" Kay chuckled nervously. He pretend to be joking but Marc could see he was very nervous.

"Of course not. " Marc went up and hugged Kay tightly. "I'm just surprised that's all."

"Well, I figure you have done so much for me. There has to be something I could do for you. I was going to do it in Switzerland, but with my brain, I will probably forget to bring it. " Kay said sheepishly.

Marc lovingly caressed Kay's cheek with his thumb and pressed his forehand against Kay's. "You have done so much for me already babe. I won't be standing here if it wasn't for you. I won't have a single chance of being happy if it wasn't for you. " He gently kissed Kay, "I asked why as in what's the point. It's not legal yet in Germany."

Kay shrugged his shoulders, "I just thought it would be nice to celebrate our love in front of family and friends who support us. And next time I find myself in the hospital, seriously injured and not making it. I want you to make those decisions for me without the doctors trying to contact my parents through Lisa."

Marc swatted Kay's head at that suggestion. He wanted Kay to make those decisions for him too. Though he doesn't trust himself to be a logical person when it's life and death matter for Kay. Because in the past times when Kay is in the hospital bed, he is anything but logical.

Why didn't he think of this. Kay was always the more romantic one. Marc thought happily. He put Kay's ring on the ring finger of left and held out his left hand for Kay to put the other one on him. Twisting the ring on his finger, Marc felt a lump in his throat again.

 "I don't think my parents would come." Marc cleared his throat and said sadly in a hoarse voice. His parents had just barely accepted his relationship with Kay. This would be too much.

"I know mine are definitely not coming. No matter how much Lisa tries to invite them." Kay laughed with a bit of wistfulness in his tone.

Marc squeezed Kay's hand, "there will be a time when they will all come around."

 The snow is still falling with wind howling outside. Marc felt he was at the warmest place on earth. There are definitely still bumps on the road that they have to get through. Like testifying against Bauer. Like patching up the relationships with their parents. Like telling Sebastian why his family may be different from other kids. But like Kay said, nothing in life was easy. Marc was so grateful that he learned the best way to live life is to be your real self and share it with the one you truly loved.

He pulled Kay close to him and breathed in Kay's scent in slow even breathe. Breathe evenly. Marc's mind drifted back to the times when they ran in the woods back in the police academy where they first met. Marc understood now why he was never able to do that before. He could only breathe evenly with Kay's scent filling his nostril, with Kay there by his side.

 


End file.
